


Where Souls Collide

by hedakomskaikru



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clexa, F/F, i'm just really writing this for my sanity, please understand that i have clexa needs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-05-24 22:05:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 35,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6168368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hedakomskaikru/pseuds/hedakomskaikru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But then something else closed firmly around her chest, and instead of feeling constricted, Clarke felt her chest expand, grow. Until she could breathe again. Like breaking the surface of the water after flailing for so long. Like gasping air in from having to hold it in forever.</p><p>(also my title sounds like an-awesome-writer-i-know's title of an RP blog. she may have inspired it)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Breathe Again

**Author's Note:**

> starts at 3.07. This is not spoiler free.
> 
> So obviously this is one of those fics that will try to follow canon storyline, but with one important difference: LEXA IS ALIVE

Clarke stared off into space as she waited for one of the guards to call her. She didn’t know if was the fact that she’d been around Lexa so long that they’d actually started taking orders from her, too, or the fact that Lexa ordered them without actually informing Clarke to follow her commands as a guest in Polis, but they’d been really obedient to her.  
  
Especially for the last 17 hours.  
  
She stood now by the large window of Lexa’s room, her back facing the bed as she recalled the events that led to where she was now, when she was bathed with the dark blood that had coated her hands up to her wrists. Blood that she had hoped she would never have to see spilled after Lexa's fight with Roan.  
  
The final rights were on the tip of her tongue when she called out to the guards. She wasn't ready to send Lexa off. She didn't want to have to be the one to do that. She didn't want to have to say goodbye to yet another person she had given her heart to. She'd barely survived the first with her sanity intact.  
  
She didn't think her mind could take it if-  
  
The guards burst through the room to find Clarke still pressing over Lexa’s wound with Titus standing still beside her unable to do anything. The grounders were used to letting their soldiers die when nothing could be done anymore. So Titus was silent. Silent and already grieving.  
  
Without much to go with, the guards heeded Clarke’s demands for healers.  
  
And Clarke had thought them primitive, she did. But they were able to do a crude surgery, something they apparently didn’t do often because of the high mortality rate when they did. It was a last resort, and the situation, with the Heda being the one afflicted, certainly called for it.  
  
She and Titus were replaced by healers at Lexa’s bedside, and Clarke had busied herself by sending riders who usually flanked Lexa to find Octavia and escort her through the blockade. So the younger girl could fetch Abby.  
  
The crude surgery would keep Lexa alive from the physical wound. The possible imminent infection wasn’t something the grounders had any medicine for, not for an infection that reached as deep as the blood. That was probably why surgeries were of last resort even in Polis. So Clarke needed her mother to steal supplies from the ark.  
  
Of course, Octavia had stormed up to where she was, irritated and angry out of her mind because she just got an order from Clarke who was apparently planning to stay. And she was ready to start a shouting match with Clarke about duties and about who Clarke was but Clarke… Clarke was barely holding it together.  
  
Clarke had turned to Indra, who had showed up with Octavia, and told her calmly that Lexa was shot. That she almost died. Clarke appealed to Indra because Indra respects Lexa as a leader. And no matter Lexa’s decisions, of sparing the skaikru despite grounder code, of letting her village burn to the ground, Indra trusts the commander with her whole being.  
  
But Octavia demanded answers, speaking over Clarke and Clarke broke. Because she was barely hanging on. Because her hands were still dark with Lexa’s blood. Because the blood in her hands were sticky like Finn’s had been and that death was on her. Just like all those people in the mountain that she couldn't save. And she couldn't let that happen to Lexa, couldn't see the commander die without Clarke having done everything that she could. Clarke could go through that. She couldn't.  
  
And just a couple of hours ago her fingers were running over Lexa’s skin with promises of ‘maybe someday’ and Clarke couldn’t take it anymore. She couldn’t.  
  
“You don’t give a shit about her, Octavia, but if Lexa dies, the twelve clans. _Will_. _Attack_. If it was any commander, we’d already be wiped out. But Lexa believes in peace.”  
  
Clarke didn’t even notice when she had started to cry.  
  
“If you don’t do this, you risk the twelve clans not only enforcing a blockade. They won't stop at a kill order They WILL wipe us out.”  
  
_If you don’t do this I lose her. If you don’t do this, the last image I will have seen of her was her bleeding to her death. If you don’t do this…_  
  
Clarke’s next words were a raspy whisper, tired from everything, throat constricting with words she couldn't say, afraid that they could be true. “ _Please_."  
  
It was Indra who answered, and led a reluctant Octavia away, still looking confused but despite their differences, Octavia could still recognize that look on Clarke's face. And it was a look she didn't think she'd ever see anymore. Clarke vaguely heard Indra telling her to be strong.  
  
And Clarke was tired of being strong. She wanted to collapse.  
  
But not yet. Not until Lexa was ok.  
  
She spoke to the guards next about what happened. Titus, despite all his words against Clarke, actually confessed to what happened. Because while Clarke was ready to say that it was an accident so Lexa wouldn't have to lose yet _another_ person close to her, Titus was a grounder. And they believed in _Blood Must Have Blood_.  
  
And he spilled Lexa’s blood.  
  
And he used skaikru weaponry.  
  
He was wired to accept punishment.  
  
And Clarke, Clarke had just about had enough of people trying to kill Lexa. So she didn't contradict any of Titus' words. She'd seen Lexa bleed because of him. She would not be sorry to see him walk away.  
  
He was led away by two guards, and Clarke actually sent two more as backup. Because she’d seen how Titus easily took the life of the leader of the trikru village earlier that day, and she knew Titus would easily overpower two guards. Clarke hoped four would be enough because she didn’t want to have to worry about Titus, too, when Lexa was…  
  
That’s how she found herself standing by the window in Lexa’s room. She occasionally looked back towards the bed to watch the rise and fall of Lexa’s chest, the movement that signified that Lexa was alive. She actually looked at that motion more than she looked at the breathtaking view that was the Polis lights at night. She’d once looked out of her own window and thought to sketch the landscape, the people below who gave Polis it's life, to put into paper the children who were the future of city. Now her thoughts were only occupied by the girl on the bed, pale and breathing shallowly.  
  
And Clarke hated that they were both too young to be going through near death situations.  
  
She swallowed thickly as she walked towards the bed, steps faltering. Lexa hadn’t yet roused, and Clarke knew it was because her body was trying to recuperate. She also knew that Lexa was probably having a harder time doing it because of a brewing infection. If Lexa doesn’t receive medication in the next two days, all that stress of having to keep her alive with be worthless.  
  
And Clarke was highly aware of what could happen. High grade fever. Chills. Delirium. Seizures.  
  
Death.  
  
Clarke tried to banish those thoughts as she sat on the chair beside Lexa’s bed, taking one cold hand into her trembling ones. She didn’t realize she was crying until she saw a tear drop onto Lexa’s hand. Clarke thought about Lexa’s confession while she thought she was dying. About life being more than just surviving. That despite all the wisdom Lexa always seemed to give Clarke even if Clarke was only about a year younger, Lexa still remembered the few Clarke had given her. The few that Clarke clung to even as she felt like she'd already lost herself on the ground.  
  
And maybe that was why it felt like something had been dying inside her, too, when Lexa's eyes had fluttered not even 24 hours before. Because Lexa finally, _finally_ made her feel like she was herself again. And Lexa reminded her of one of the things Clarke clung to even as she scoured the forests for food and shelter after running from her people.  
  
Lexa understood her. And Lexa was still showing how much she actually did even with her life seeping through a small bullet wound.  
  
But she wasn’t dying anymore, Clarke told herself as she pressed her forehead to the back of Lexa’s hand as a sob broke out of her chest. All the events of the day crashed on her shoulders. Two bullets missing her, and the third one not missing Lexa. Her attempt at pressing on the open wound just below Lexa’s ribs. All the blood that her fingers slid against. Her shaking hands as she called for help. Titus’ confession. Octavia’s stubbornness. Indra’s understanding.  
  
And Lexa.  
  
Lexa and her smile that Clarke only ever saw when they were together. Lexa and the solitary tear that slid down her cheek when they parted from their kiss. Lexa and the disbelief in her face when Clarke stood in front of her, still asking Clarke if she was sure, if she wanted what was about to happen. Lexa and her soft skin. Lexa and her trembling fingers. Lexa and her whispered pleas.  
  
Lexa.  
  
Lexa.  
  
Lexa.  
  
Another sob broke the silence of the room, and then Clarke couldn’t keep it in anymore. Heart-wrenching sobs filled the room as her hold on Lexa’s hand got progressively tighter. Because it was the only part of Lexa she wasn’t afraid to touch. Because everything she touched she destroyed. Because everything she learned to love she lost.  
  
And Clarke has finally, finally reached her breaking point, and she felt like she was being ripped from all sides, that her heart was just sinking deeper and deeper.  
  
But then something else closed firmly around her chest, and instead of feeling constricted, Clarke felt her chest expand, grow. Until she could breathe again. Like breaking the surface of the water after flailing for so long. Like gasping air in from having to hold it in forever.  
  
“Clarke.”  
  
Her head snapped up, tears still wet on her cheeks as her eyes locked on to a pair of dull green eyes. Dull, but alive. So alive.  
  
“Lexa."


	2. Your People as My People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa finally wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so there will come a time when I don't update as often but I will try to because I miss Lexa so bad, guys, I don't know what to do with myself I should be studying right now.

"Keeping Lexa alive is the smartest move we can do right now."

"That doesn't mean you stay here, Clarke! Your people are out there and a kill order-"

"Don't you think I know that?!"

"No. I don't think you do." Octavia strode up to her, hand gripping the sword Indra had given her months ago. "You're too busy playing house in this tower while your people die."

"The skaikru have been the ones doing the killing, Octavia!" They both noticed how she'd identified her people as a third person. As if she wasn't one of them. As if she was avoiding allying with them. They had completely opposing thoughts as to why. "Lexa and I-"

"Lexa and you?" Octavia scoffed. "This is great. You've completely allied yourself with her. Did you forget that she left us to die?"

If Octavia thought Clarke was going to back down, she was wrong. Clarke, at her wits end, but with an iron will that was borne from the months she'd been gone, stepped right up to Octavia so they were toe-to-toe.

"No. No, I didn't." Clarke took another step forward, and bristled because Octavia didn't even back down. "Just like I didn't forget that I pulled that lever to save _you_." Something flickered in Octavia's eyes, but it was gone before Clarke could figure out what it was. "Just like I didn't forget that by saving you, by saving _all_ of you, I had to kill more than 250 people, most of them innocent.

"I can't fault Lexa for something I would have done if it were them that I had to sacrifice to save _you_." This time, when Clarke took a step, Octavia took two to put space between them, and Clarke didn't feel any satisfaction at being able to make the younger girl back down. "I can't believe that after all that I've done, anyone could still think I would be doing any different."

The silence that followed rang in both their ears, and neither had the words to fill it. They'd once been friends, once had each other to trust to get through the days on the ground. Now they were seemingly on the same side, but driven by different motives. It was a lost cause trying to fight about what they would defend to their last breaths.

It turns out they didn't need to find the words to break the silence. While they glared at each other, one of the healers stepped out of Lexa's room to call Clarke.

"I'll be right there," Clarke intoned, finally leaving the mental space that was her people and the constant struggle to keep them alive, and shifting to the brunette at the other side of the door, still unconscious, but thankfully alive.

"You breathe life unto _Heda_ , Clarke _kom Skaikru_. Perhaps _Wanheda_ does not truly represent you." The gravely voice of the healer reminded Clarke of the actors she and her dad always watched on the ark, the ones who smoked cigarettes. Clarke could never understand why people would smoke something that would kill them.

Clarke didn't respond knowing that explaining blood transfusion and IV antibiotics care of the package her mother had sent her through Octavia won't really bear much fruit at the moment. Perhaps another time when she wasn't worrying about Lexa. The healer bowed his head before he walked away not sparing Octavia a glance.

"You need to figure out where you stand in this war, Clarke."

Clarke turned back to the younger girl to stare at eyes that had once been bright with mischief. Now they were fierce with the fire of her beliefs and the intent to protect the people who had once chained her, kept her from the rest of the world in a box. Clarke wondered how Octavia did it.

"I don't want there to be a war at all," Clarke stated flatly.

"There will be if you don't do anything and continue to shack up with the commander in your comfortable castle."

Clarke almost rolled her eyes, and any other time she would have been indignant, but she'd just gone through trying to keep Lexa alive, and she needed time to actually settle her mind around it. "I'm staying until I know she's ok."

"She has guards-"

"Who don't believe in her idea of peace and might just try and kill her. Just let me do my job, ok?"

Octavia shook her head, disappointment clear on her face. "Whatever," she muttered, turning away.

Clarke tried not to think about how disappointing someone still left a bitter taste on her tongue.

* * *

It took a lot from her to wake up.

It felt like boulders had weighed down on her arms, like the same weighed down on her eyelids. She didn't know why waking up as her reincarnation would feel that way. She didn't remember feeling the same when she woke up as Lexa.

What it did feel like was after she had a spear pierce her left side just after the last battle that would clinch her status as commander of all twelve clans. A zealot from the Ice Nation, too far for her to even make out their features, threw the spear without thought. It wasn't supposed to hit. The aim was sloppy because they had to release the spear before two of Lexa's warriors tackled them to the ground.

The spear arched and was about to hit one of Lexa's youngest warriors.

And while Lexa may have been commander, she was the only one out of everyone in the field who would live on after death. Killing Lexa would not kill the commander. So without hesitation, she'd pushed her warrior out of the way. And was impaled instead.

She'd lost a lot of blood, but her healers were a few of the best. She had to recuperate for two months, not joining any of the celebrations, and only going as far as addressing her people. She may not have moved much during that time, but she took the time and effort to appear as strong as what stories about her had already been told. About a _Heda_ who had only been in power for a year, and she was already bringing different groups together.

Commander of the Blood, she'd been dubbed.

Not only because it had taken countless wars to bring the peace that she'd hoped for her people, blood of thousands on her hands. But because she was the first to spare the life of another leader just to bring peace. Spared the Ice Queen. Spared the Ice Nation.

What she felt now wasn't quite as majestic as what she'd felt then: saving the life of a warrior who had everything ahead of him. If he were to die, and she were to live, then what did they really fight for? She didn't feel any of the accomplishment of that time. She only felt drained.

She struggled against the weight of her limbs and the apparent tenacity of her eyelids, unwilling to open despite all her effort. She'd taken down men twice, thrice her size and she couldn't even open her eyes. If Anya could see her now, she thought as she tried once again to force her muscles to move.

It was then that she realized that her hearing seemed to be muffled, like she was underwater. She felt her hand twitch at that, and almost rejoiced at the small movement, but then mentally frowned at herself because why should she be glad about one of her fingers moving? She wondered if this was how it felt like before the consciousness of the next commander takes over.

But then her eyes were opening to bright light, and she forced them closed again, unable to bear the sight of the sun. It was probably midday, she thought uselessly, the time of the day not really of any consequence to her when she couldn't even move her limbs. But with the light came the recollection of a staggered group of memories that don't really make much sense. However, she was able to hold on to them because through every set of images flashing before her eyelids as she tried to squint through the light, she saw a familiar shade of blue eyes that she would spend her whole life looking into if she could.

And the name that came with those eyes slipped through her parched lips. Almost subconsciously.

"Clarke."

That didn't really sound like her. But thinking about not sounding like herself made the few images that were seeming smudges of a reality that really wasn't so become slightly clearer. A weight on her hand. Two gentle hands framing her face. A quick prick of something on her hand. A bag of something that might have been blood on her peripheral vision. The constant vision of blonde hair whenever her eyes so much as opened.

And she realized that she hadn't quite moved on to the next body that she was supposed to take. Which means Clarke…

"I'm here."  
In retrospect, Lexa would wonder how those two words had helped her rouse from the darkness of her mind to the forefront of her consciousness, despite the fact that the more awake she was, the more pain she was in. Immediately after that thought, Lexa would admit to herself that she would take the pain if it meant seeing Clarke again after thinking she'd have to say goodbye at the very moment of her life when she least wanted to.

"Clarke."

It was a mumble, barely a word, really. Lexa's tongue was thick, almost as exhausted as the muscles in her arms. And she couldn't understand why, because she hadn't done anything. She'd merely felt that little bullet, they were always so little, pierce her skin and then the pain had spread through her.

She'd felt her life slip through that hole.

Yet, here she was.

"Clarke," she tried again, glad when she thought she heard herself actually produce the word instead of it getting stuck in her mouth.

"Lexa."

Lexa finally, _finally_ found the strength to force her eyes open, and she met Clarke's clear and worried ones and that gave her enough strength to pull the corners of her lips up, even as her eyelids threatened to dropp again.

"It seems you have kept my soul tethered here through sheer stubbornness, Clarke." Lexa's lips stretched into a wider smile because Clarke gave a wet laugh at her words. She didn't complain when Clarke's hand gripped hers.

"If you think I would have done any different, then you don't know me at all."

Lexa's smile softened at those words, eyes looking just a bit unfocused. "I feel little off."

Clarke intertwined their fingers before shifted from her seat to sitting beside Lexa so Lexa wouldn't have to strain her eyes trying to look at her. "It's the last of the anesthesia. Pain medication. You'll start to feel how bad your wound is in a few hours." She untangled their fingers to switch hands, so she could run one of them through Lexa's hair. "You should probably go back to sleep while you still can."

Lexa didn't like the idea of slipping back out. She felt like she had been floating for days already and feeling one of Clarke's hands on hers and the other running through her hair was a pleasant enough feeling to stay conscious enough to be able to pay attention. Completely immersed in Clarke's presence, Lexa allowed herself to be vulnerable, words she would never ask otherwise just about to spill from her lips.

_Will you stay?_

But with the thought came a memory from before she'd felt the bullet almost kill her.

_"When will you leave?"_

Suddenly, Lexa's eyes were straining their hardest against the exhaustion and numbing effects of the medicine, and she had pulled her hand from Clarke's, elbow already coming up to push herself from the reclined position.

She grit her teeth against a cry of pain when her stomach throbbed horribly, threatening to make her collapse unto the bed. But she'd been through worse, Lexa thought grimly, something inside her head settling into a calm state.

"Lexa! What- You need to stay still!"

But Lexa fought against Clarke's hands that were now on her shoulders, forcing her back to the bed so she would keep resting. But Lexa's mind was suddenly filled with what she'd ordered the clans to do. What was supposed to have taken Clarke from Polis. The blockade. The kill order. "Why are you here? Your people-"

"Lexa! Just- I swear if you don't keep still-!"

But Lexa was already sitting up, trying to bat away at Clarke's hands. "Clarke-"

"I will float you myself if you don't-"

Lexa looked towards her door, as if expecting there to be guards who she could possibly order to check on the situation of the blockade, whether or not her people were being attacked for it. Whether or not the sky people were being contained by people with spears when they had guns and bombs. "Your people-"

Then Lexa felt two hands fist on her top, and jerk her forward. She grimaced at the pain, even as the hands turned suddenly gentle, but kept their firm hold on her clothing. The movement had its desired effect. Lexa stopped struggling against Clarke, and now she was only a few inches from the blonde's face.

Clarke spoke firmly. "Lie back down. Or I tie you down."

"You're people-"

" _You're_ my people, Lex." Lexa stopped struggling at the nickname, because she knew it was a Skaikru form of familiarity, of closeness. That and the fact that Clarke's words seemed to reverberate through her heart. Because it was in reference to when Lexa had dropped to her knees in front of Clarke, swore an oath that would mean Lexa will be at most an equal, and at least someone who Clarke was superior to. That whatever decisions Lexa will make, Clarke will always be a part of it. To Lexa's knowledge, it was the first time it had ever been done, because no one was supposed to be above the commander.

Swearing fealty to someone makes you dependent. Literally makes you a slave.

But Clarke's words, they filled her, overwhelmed her, because it wasn't that Clarke was telling her that she was inferior, no. It meant- "And I protect my people."

And Lexa couldn't think of any other person alive at the moment who would protect her as herself and not as _Heda_. She thought of Gustus, of Anya, of Costia. Of her parents. Gone. And she suddenly felt weak. Because whoever had pledged to protect her, protect Lexa, and not _Heda_ , died. Because the smallest part of her that remained human, for the longest time, had only ever felt fear. "Clarke-"

"You have to _let_ me."

Eyes flickering closed, Lexa felt Clarke's forehead press against hers, the hands on her chest sliding up to cup her cheeks. "Lexa." Lexa's eyes slid open to stare into Clarke's. "I _can't_ lose you, too, ok?" Clarke's voice cracking made Lexa's shoulders slump, giving in.

"You won't-"

"I won't." Clarke interjected resolutely, only allowing herself that split second of emotional collapse because she'd already cried enough and Lexa was finally awake and she knew most of her fears about Lexa leaving her were gone. Despite the overly warm cheeks on the palms of her hands. Despite the unfocused eyes on hers. Despite how easy it was to manipulate Lexa's body to steady because the commander was still physically weak.

The worst was over.

Clarke leaned up to press a kiss to Lexa's forehead, and Lexa felt everything inside of her melt because while Lexa had lived her life trying to take care of everyone, here was this girl, borne of the sky, taking care of her. "I won't let anything happen to you. I _will_ protect you." She smiled, trying to lighten the situation. "Even from you."

Lexa smiled back, melting towards Clarke, the exhaustion finally taking over. She let Clarke hold her because the security that was Clarke's presence was easy to fall into. And the pain on her stomach was starting to get unbearable. She let Clarke slide her down so she was on her back again, and she held on weakly to Clarke's top before the blonde could take her seat on the chair beside Lexa's bed.

"Lay with me."

Clarke hesitated for only a moment, because she did want to lay with Lexa. She may have already fended off questions from Octavia because really it wasn't the time to be asking or answering them when Lexa was on the brink of losing her life. But if Octavia comes in while Clarke's holding Lexa, there wouldn't be any questions anymore. And while she worried about that, it didn't worry her enough to stay away.

Because she'd come so close to losing Lexa.

Because she knew it wouldn’t be the last.

Clarke just hoped she'd be able to keep protecting the commander for as long as she could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really need ideas so throw them at meeee


	3. Duty Belies Sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa come to a decision about how to grant Clarke immunity to avoid the kill order.

Clarke learned in the next few days that the commander was seven different levels of stubborn.

In fact, only a day after she'd woken up, Clarke had found the commander in training pits, dressed to fight, but standing beside one of the nightbloods. Clarke had no way of knowing if Lexa had already fought, or if she was planning to fight. Clarke hoped it was neither. Bullet wounds, while extremely localized, reached deep into the body, and that always meant deeper tissues needed to heal. While Clarke was confident the healers of Polis did the best they could, the body needed to be rested.

When Clarke approached, Lexa was just about to withdraw a sword, and Clarke had to temper her annoyance and anger as she finally reached Lexa's side. When the commander's eyes flickered towards hers, she almost smiled at the guilt (and maybe fear?) that Clarke knew only she could see. Almost.

Instead, Clarke went about the whole thing as subtly as possible, nodding respectfully towards the commander while the rest of the nightbloods actually made a little bow towards Clarke. Clarke would ask about that later.

"I need to speak with you, _Heda_ ," Clarke intoned clearly, making it sound like she had something very important to say.

She saw Lexa hesitate, and Clarke almost smirked because the reason for it seemed to be discomfort at the whole situation. But it was barely there, barely visible, but Clarke had seen the commander swallow as if her mouth had gone dry. Lexa only managed a small nod before letting go of the sword in her hand, telling her nightbloods she would be back.

Clarke waited until they were a significant distance from the pits before she rounded on the commander and kept her face neutral as she spoke, even as her tone betrayed her emotions.

"You should be resting."

"I am well, Clarke."

Clarke actually stepped slightly closer towards Lexa, and Lexa fought the urge to step back. It would not do to have someone causing her to step back, even if Clarke had already done so once, and even if Clarke was now known as Wanheda. But the proximity grated on Lexa's upbringing. They were too close, and they were in public. While she craved Clarke's touch, Lexa needed to keep her distance.

"While I admit you've had a lot of injuries before and are therefore experienced with things like this, I am a _healer_." Clarke glared at Lexa and she saw the brunette gulp. _Good_. "And as of the moment, I am _your_ healer. And, I’m sure you can recall, that I told you to stay put for at least three days. That's not too much to ask, Lexa!" Clarke's tone ended in a hiss, still trying to keep her tone down so people wouldn't hear.

Lexa shifted her weight between her two feet, then decided the best course of action was to stay put. She'd already talked to one of her warriors about how to best handle a spear when the opponent was using double blades, and it wouldn't do to teach by words alone. Theory never amounted much in battle.

So Lexa brought herself to her full height, about a couple of inches taller than Clarke, and she already had a complete spiel ready, as well as she was already at using words for diplomacy. She was just as battle-ready with swords as she was with her words, ands he couldn't just sit around while her warriors prepared for battle. War was brewing no matter the actions she was trying to take, and she needed to be ready.

They all did.

"Clarke-"

And Clarke, because she was smart, because she knew how to play this Lexa, and because, undoubtedly, she was still recovering from the scare of almost losing the brunette who seemed to not care at all about herself, and well… it was too easy to give in to the urge, she lifted a hand.

And very carefully placed it on Lexa's neck, palm settling on Lexa's cheek.

Lexa visibly softened. Clarke didn't know if it was from the warm touch, the mingled breaths from the close proximity, the sudden quiet of their surroundings because some of the warriors already noticed. Clarke didn't know what cause Lexa to suddenly turn soft underneath her palm.

Lexa knew it was Clarke's eyes, eyes that tried to mask the worry by reflecting the anger of seeing Lexa not resting. Eyes that were as blue as the sky that Lexa always associated with Clarke. Eyes that were the color of the sea in the horizon. Eyes that were the color of unattainable things for Lexa, things that were near enough to see but far enough never to be reached. But here was Clarke, close and real and undeniably there.

"Clarke…"

Lexa's quiet voice washed over Clarke, and she released a breath. "Movement in another day, training in a week."

"I will be fine, Clarke."

"I won't."

And Lexa sighed, because that was something they both knew Lexa would give in to. Three days together and Clarke already had this much of a hold on her.

"You don't fight fair, _Wanheda_."

Clarke let her hand drop, only to find it in Lexa's. "I didn't become _Wanheda_ by playing fair."

Clarke's once warm tone had turned hollow, because while the grounders saw her title as something to fear and revere, it only reminded Clarke of what she done to be labeled the Commander of Death. And it wasn't something Clarke could really get used to.

"Clarke-"

She wanted to walk away, wanted to be angry at the use of a moniker that she never wanted attached to her. She wanted to punish Lexa because despite everything, she could still feel the shadow of the squeeze in her chest that she'd felt when she watched Lexa walk away. Because watching Lexa walk away was followed by her needing to pull the trigger. Because while she felt the weight of all of those lives on her shoulders, she wanted them somewhere else. She didn't want to think about all those lives she'd decided were less important that the 46 she'd decided to save.

But Lexa… Lexa was one of the people she would wish the weight of those lives on, even when she'd spent three months seeking revenge. She still struggled with the inevitable pull towards the commander, the part of her that had initiated the kiss before Lexa was shot, the part of her that had lay with the commander proposing not to think, not to talk about anything else, but to bask in the rare moment they were offered. She struggled with the part of her that wanted Lexa to herself, and the part that still crumbled at the betrayal.

She struggled even when she knew that only time will help her.

She squeezed Lexa's hand then, stalling the apology that she knew was coming. Because Clarke had to come to terms with the events at Mount Weather without having to keep blaming others for it. She couldn't keep displacing the part of her that killed and the part of Lexa that chose her people just because they now shared a bed.

If even they did. Lexa had been unconscious most of the time that Clarke had stayed with her, and not even beside the commander. They hadn't exactly talked about it, and they had slept together with an impending separation looming over both their heads.

They were still going to separate, Clarke knew, possibly very soon, and they still didn't know what they were.

Clarke heard her tell her warriors in Trigedasleng that she would be back to oversee their training in a few days, purposely leaving out exactly how long. They let each other's hands go surreptitiously as the commander spoke, not wanting to shed anymore doubt on Lexa's hold on her people by showing her weakness. Even if they had already seen it.

* * *

In the end they had to compromise. While Clarke was right that the commander needed rest, they couldn't keep the young woman in a bed rest. So Clarke had to leave Lexa in her throne room, the room where citizens of Polis were allowed to enter to voice out their concerns that maybe the commander could help out on.

Clarke had to leave her to meet up with the guards who would be accompanying her to the blockade. She couldn't keep putting off what she needed to do. She knew Octavia was expecting her a couple of days prior, but she couldn't leave Lexa while she was still unconscious. Because while the two of them hadn't talked about what they were, Clarke had already admitted to herself that she wanted to be with the commander. And because she knew the ground was not a place for hesitancy and maybes, she'd stayed. If only to see this through.

The meeting had been short, but she left it exhausted. She was told that it would be difficult to convince the grounders to keep her alive, especially with the kill order. She wasn't exactly inside the blockade and there were no exceptions announced during the meeting with the clan leaders. And Clarke was very aware that if given the chance, some of those clan leaders would kill her just to get rid of the Skaikru ambassador. Clarke did not exactly have the brain space to worry about Pike _and_ the clan leaders at the same time.

Without realizing it, she'd entered Lexa's room instead of her own, and she paused for a while by the door, thinking about the implications of subconsciously choosing the commander's room over her own. About having been living in her room longer, but seeking out Lexa's room where she felt more at home.

About the hollowed out feeling of leaving the room. Leaving the commander. Leaving _Lexa_.

Clarke chose to go with this, this familiarity borne of just a few days. She entered completely and closed the doors behind her to move towards the balcony overlooking Polis. The sight still made her catch her breath, even as she'd looked out watching the capital for days when Lexa had given her a week to herself to recover. She sighed because even then, Lexa had put her needs first. She rested her forearms on the railing as she thought about Lexa deciding to let her go when the commander had seen what the events of Mount Weather had done to her. Even if it meant losing control of the clan leaders. If it also meant that Clarke would not have to be exposed to her, to Lexa, the very reason Clarke had once blamed for what she went through, Lexa would have let her go.

And now Lexa was ignoring years of tradition, years of grounder culture, to unite their people, unite thirteen instead of twelve clans. Clan leaders were out to oust her and Lexa was standing strong. And Clarke understood it, the need to keep people alive instead of killing more to achieve peace. Even if it meant it was Lexa who was bearing the brunt of the anger of the clans.

There were too many what ifs. And Clarke didn't know how to deal with them.

"I thought you would have left by now."

The blonde didn't turn at the familiar voice, letting it fill her with warmth instead, a warmth she would have to do without for a while until she could see Lexa again. Neither of them knew when that was going to be.

She felt the breath behind her neck before she felt the tentative hand on her hip and Clarke leaned away from the railing to lean backwards to Lexa's body, firm and soft at the same time. She helped Lexa's hands along, still testing the waters as they hovered over her body, and Clarke was the one who pulled Lexa's arms to wrap around her. She felt Lexa rest her chin on her shoulder and Clarke felt the twinge of goodbye in their movements. In their stillness.

"I stayed for as long as I did already."

Lexa wanted to ask her about her people, but knew that they were always in Clarke's mind, always something that would hang between them. They were leaders and moments when they were only Clarke and Lexa were few and far in between. And it would only become even more scarce with Clarke leaving.

"Amai said that it would be difficult to explain my presence when I reach the blockade. I'm _Skaikru_ after all."

Lexa was still for a few moments before she answered. "I cannot lift the kill order, Clarke. I can only go so far to protect the _Skaikru_ without endangering my position as well. While I wish for change, it must not be too drastic. Else I will have another coup in my hands." Clarke felt Lexa shift behind her, lips landing on her shoulder and making the blonde feel all warm, before Lexa replaced it with her chin again. "And according to my healer-" Lexa gave Clarke's waist a teasing squeeze, and Clarke actually found a reason inside her to manage a smile despite everything. "-I am not to exert myself. Being issued another challenge will not quite do."

Clarke was silent, knowing Lexa was telling the truth. She knew Lexa could only protect her- _their_ people so much. Now Clarke didn't even know if Lexa would be able to get her through the blockade.

"Does that mean I have no way of getting through the blockade?"

Lexa's arms went lax, and Clarke was able to turn to face her. And as if they had been doing it for a long time, their hands meet and their fingers intertwine. Clarke watched Lexa struggle, because she knew Lexa would rather she stayed, that if there was a way to keep Clarke within the walls of Polis, Lexa would probably take it.

But Lexa was nothing if a good leader. "I can grant you immunity." Clarke watched the wheels turn behind Lexa's eyes, knowing she was considering options that would make the difference between war and peace. Clarke may have been in the capital for two weeks now, but she still didn't know everything that happened in official proceedings. "But not as ambassador."

Clarke tilted her head in question, eyebrows meeting in a frown. "You mean you'd have to… give me a higher position?"

"You are _Skaikru_. Ambassador or not, they will see you as different. As an enemy." Lexa pulled away, because while she had thought about the options currently in her head, she thought she would be proposing them in different circumstances. Circumstances that they could really not afford while the coalition was fragile, while the _Skaikru_ were doing everything they could to force their way outside of the control of the coalition.

Lexa led the two of them away from the view of Lexa's rule and into the room where Lexa had nearly died. Clarke didn't know how the brunette did it. If it were her, should would avoid the room for a while. "Clarke, my people must see you as one of our own."

Clarke's frown deepened. "You can make me a grounder? Like make me a citizen of Polis?"

With a slight shake of her head, Lexa brought her hands behind her back to clasp them, pulling herself up to her full height. Clarke recognized it. Lexa was detaching herself from this discussion, leaving only the commander in front of Clarke. The young woman who brought the twelve clans together. The warrior who demanded respect and authority through both strength and wisdom.

Clarke knew no one who would look as regal as Lexa did after getting shot two days before.

"You can renounce the _Skaikru_ and become part of the _Trigedakru_ -"

Completely taken aback, Clarke shook her head. "No. No, I can't. My people won't listen to me if I-"

Clarke bristled and she looked incredulous when Lexa merely lifted a hand to get her to stop talking. And she did, unfortunately, as used to it as she was whenever Lexa did it in the war room. But she fought the Pavlovian response by grabbing Lexa's hand to warn Lexa about using her commander authority when they were alone in Lexa's room, but her words halted because Clarke felt Lexa's hand squeeze hers, a reassuring gesture, even as the commander still held herself in that way that she did when she faced her people.

Apparently, Lexa and the commander weren't completely separate entities.

Lexa let her hand go to reclasp them behind her back, needing the distance as she gave Clarke the second option. "Or you may go through a bonding ceremony. By the laws of the coalition, this allows you to be both _Skaikru_ and whichever clan your bonded belongs."

Clarke felt herself stiffen, letting the words fill her consciousness. "Bonded? Like… like married?"

"It affords you the citizenship rights of both your people. By law, my people will need to recognize you as one of us and upon imposition of direct orders from the commander such as the blockade, effective on non-citizens, the fact that you are one of us grants you our rights instead of the punishment for the non-citizens."

It was all very technical. As if they weren't talking about Clarke being wedded just so she'd be able to pass through the blockade without having to worry about an arrow killing her.

"Is there no other way?"

Lexa's silence was enough to confirm Clarke's thoughts. But honestly, it seemed like a small thing to pay for the peace that she sought. She'd stopped looking for romance and the other frivolities of life ever since she had to kill Finn with her own two hands. Something inside of her broke when she did that and she didn't think she'd ever recover from it.

She'd had to reconstruct her views of the world, of the little things she could still steal away from the moments of survival and need. She had stopped wanting things and had let herself only focus on what needed to be done. She did nothing for herself now. She did everything for her people. She'd sacrificed even her own humanity when she'd pulled that trigger.

She didn't think there was even enough of herself inside of her to think about how she'd dreamed her wedding would be like.

She didn't think she could ever be herself again.

Until she shared Lexa's bed.

"How… how long would it take?"

"Not long. The ceremonial tattoos would take the most time."

"Tattoos?"

"You have seen Indra's?"

Clarke wondered what all the tattoos mean, especially since the one on Lexa's back apparently wasn't something she just chose for herself. It made her think that everything Lexa's people did actually had meaning behind them. They were not a people driven by the small moments. They were people of volition. So apparently, facial tattoos were for bonding. Clarke wondered briefly if Indra was as hard as she was because she'd lost who those tattoos were tied to.

"Ok."

Lexa gave a nod, that minimalist one she always does, before turning from Clarke. "I can send someone in to give you a list of people who may be most suited for you. I shall give you time to-"

But Clarke's mind was reeling and she was following a briskly walking Lexa who seemed to want to get away immediately after telling Clarke that she could pick whoever she wanted.

Like Clarke would have ever really chosen any differently.

"Wait, wait, wait."

Lexa turned towards Clarke, back stiff and eyes guarded.

But Clarke was having none of it. "Are commanders allowed to- to bond?"

The question meant many things and the only way that it mattered was how it had sunk into Lexa's being, spread through her heart and her bones like it was the only thing that mattered at the moment, even if they had a war to stop and lives to save and everything they did wasn't solely for them anymore.

But they could. At least maybe they could pretend.

Lexa looked at Clarke with wide, open eyes before responding. "The second commander had taken a wife, yes."

Clarke released a breath looking down to their feet, drawing in these moment, feeling the weight of the lives on her shoulders but still, as she always did around Lexa, feeling her youth as she said, "And- and after what happened to us, you would leave this room to send someone else to bond with me?"

Lexa clasped her hands behind herself again, but when she spoke again, her eyes shone with teasing. "I am confident I can outlive whoever you choose."

Clarke's lips twitched. "And the tattoos?"

"You can choose a small one for this first one. We could cover it up easily."

And Clarke had to release a breathy laugh at that, finally bridging the distance between them by cupping Lexa's cheeks in her palms. "I thought mockery is not the product of a strong mind?"

Lexa's own arms had come up to wrap protectively around Clarke, and even when she feared for Clarke's safety once the blonde exited the walls of her city, Lexa had no doubt that if there was anyone who could bring peace alongside her, it would be Clarke. Lexa's smile had stretched her lips, and as always, it felt foreign. If it was that wide, that genuine, Lexa knew it could only be because of Clarke. She hadn't had reason to smile for years now.

But it turned wistful as her green eyes met blue once more. "I had imagined this going… differently. That we would both decide to bond for reasons outside of our duties as leaders."

The fact that Lexa had thought as far ahead as getting married was overwhelming for Clarke, but with the war ahead of them and the very real possibility that they could both die, it didn't seem like something Clarke could really put off for years. A long engagement, she'd once heard from her parents. There probably was no such thing on the ground.

So Clarke pulled away from Lexa only to slide her fingers through Lexa's and started to lead the two of them towards the bed. "Lexa." Clarke maneuvered the two of them so it was Lexa's knees that hit the bed and had the commander tumbling backwards to look up at Clarke. Clarke found that she liked it when she had this much control over the commander. "You said anyone can take this bond with me and I will have the same kind of immunity."

Clarke crawled over the commander, careful to have her weight nearly completely off of the taller girl. "And I'm choosing _you_. Doesn't that count for something?"

Lexa met darkening blue eyes with her own and then she was reaching up to pull Clarke down towards her with every intention of postponing the rest of the conversation. "Maybe it does."

But then Lexa felt a gentle hand on her lower abdomen and she looked up at a smirking Clarke. "You're not allowed to move much, commander, remember? Healer's orders." Lexa was sure she had never hated having a healer for a lover before, until... "Let me do all the work."

Lexa felt the button holding her pants closed snap open and she let out a sound she would forever deny she was capable of producing as Clarke slid down to settle between her legs.

It would be one of the last until Clarke came back to her once everything was finally settled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already have the next part ready in my head (not like how I had to squeeze this one out of my head). I was sick so this is delayed a few days. But I'm on break and may be able to write more this week.


	4. Faya Nou Mo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The grounder history and traditions fill Lexa's mind as she faces Titus. Bellamy leads scouts to find out as much as they can about the blockade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are so many plotholes from the original series to fix i'm having a hard time being consistent. i officially have notes for this ff already to keep track of culture and backstory and everything.

Murphy stood with his usual air of nonchalance, looking like he would rather be anywhere else. If Clarke didn't know that was his usual facial expression, she would have physically shook him out of it.

"Why are you only telling me this now?!"

First raising his eyebrows, then widening his eyes in exasperation, Murphy pushed off from the wall he had been resting on. "Griffin, you have been hovering over your grounder commander girlfriend the past few days, if you can recall. It didn't cross my mind to tell you while she was bleeding out."

Clarke advanced furious at the reminder of the panic of watching Lexa almost die, but abruptly stopped when Murphy visibly flinched. Tortured twice now, first by the Trigeda and then by Titus. Instead, Clarke took a deep breath, taking a slow step back so Murphy knew he was safe with her, that she wouldn't hurt him. No wonder he had risked going with Jaha, Clarke thought. Murphy had nothing else to lose.

Changing tactics, Clarke looked away as she asked a few more questions. "And it's only Titus that knows?"

"Yeah, well, he kept me down there. Or up. I don't even know where it is. I was blindfolded in and out of it." Murphy spoke as if he wasn't talking about being kidnapped and dragged around. "Lexa probably knows."

Clarke furrowed her brows, not really knowing what to do with the knowledge she was just given. From what Murphy told her, there was a connection between what he and Jaha found in the island and what he found in the room Titus had held him in. Whatever the significance of that was, however, Clarke still didn't know and with the war brewing between 12 clans and the _Skaikru_ she didn't quite have the brain space to think about where religion and science met.

Whatever reason it was, however, it was enough for Titus to keep Murphy and torture him for days.

Clarke shook her head. "I'm trying to stop a war, at the moment, Murphy. This all feels like nice-to-know information."

Murphy's nostrils flared, because he was tortured for the information he'd just given. "I’m sorry this is an inconvenience." He raised an eyebrow before continuing. "But I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one curious about all those instruments Titus took out when he thought Lexa was as good as dead."

Clarke was careful not to make sudden movements for Murphy's sake, but her eyes flared and her hands fisted on her sides. "Stop talking about Lexa's death, Murphy or I swear I'll-"

Murphy shrugged, slumping backwards on the wall. "Do nothing I haven't experienced before, princess."

Just then, a knock reverberated into the room and they both looked toward the doors. Clarke called for them to come in, and Lexa entered her usual guards right behind her. Her face was clear of warpaint, as it had been whenever she was at the tower.

"Is it time?" Clarke asked, thankful that the question didn't come out breathless. She may be doing this for her people, but she was aware that beyond the war, the bond she will have with Lexa will hold, and they would have to face the consequences of it when they finally achieve peace. If they do.

Lexa only nodded once, before turning towards Murphy. "Murphy _kom Skaikru_. I have-"

"I'm not kom anything," Murphy interjected, before adding, "Commander," mockingly when Lexa's guards' hands tightened on their weapons.

Lexa paused before continuing, deciding to ignore the insolence for the moment. Because her adviser had been torturing him without reason and according to her laws, such actions should not go unpunished. "I have asked your quarters to be prepared for your stay. With the blockade in place, traveling with Clarke will not be an option for you. Unfortunately, you will need to stay in the tower until things have settled, or until I lift the kill order once the _Skaikru_ submits to the coalition."

Murphy raised his eyebrows. "Quarters? Guilty for what the bald guy did, _Heda_?" His accent was intentionally atrocious.

Clarke wondered what Murphy had against maybe living comfortably for just a few days, maybe weeks, just barely able to stop herself from glaring at him. The guards beside Lexa simultaneously moved into a position of attack, and Lexa didn't do anything to stop them. Instead she raised her chin, deeming this conversation to be of less worth than she initially thought it would have. "I have similarly prepared a prison cell." Lexa's voice didn't change intonation.

" _Chil yu daun,_ " _Stand down._ She added calmly, to which the guards went back to their stance of attention. Lexa took a few steps closer to Murphy, and Murphy felt himself shrink against the wall he was leaning on. The commander's mere presence, no matter that he didn't know exactly how powerful she was, how skilled she was as a warrior, was the most imposing he had felt, and that was saying something, because he was usually able to brush off authority figures like they couldn't float him in the ark.

With a bland voice belying her fast diminishing patience for the conversation and Murphy's presence, Lexa spoke. "I was told he tortured you." Her eyes remained flat and unreadable. "While he had cared for me for years." Despite not moving from where she was, Murphy felt the formidable presence of the commander almost increase exponentially. It was almost physically stifling, and Murphy swallowed, mouth now dry. "Yet, I am the one he had nearly killed." Lexa's eyes flashed for a split second, and it was enough for Murphy to finally avert his eyes, ducking his head in submission. "Do not presume to know more than you do, Murphy… _kom Splita_." _Of the Outcast._

The insult was deliberate and Murphy thought he probably deserved it, but he kept silent now, knowing that the person in front of him could have him killed if he so much as breathed wrong. The only reason he understood the words was because he had been called it many times already.

There was an awkward pause, before Lexa finally shifted her eyes from Murphy to Clarke. "Clarke-"

"You'd think since you have Sky people for gods…"

"Murphy." Clarke's tone was sharp, but underneath was a plea to stop escalating the situation anymore.

"What?" Lexa's eyes narrowed at Murphy now.

"Your long line of commanders comes from someone from the Ark," Murphy bit out, not wanting to go through the whole thing again, and already regretting even mentioning it.

One of the guards muttered to the commander. " _Em gaf fisa in. Branwada mebi choj som op_." _He needs a healer. The fool probably ate something._

Lexa was done with the exchange. " _Nou don as yu seiso op, gona. Teik em gon em rein._ " _I did not ask for your counsel, warrior. Take him to his designated place._

Clarke did not dare ask whether it was the prepared room or if it was the prison, seeing as Lexa was already running on a short fuse. No one else would see it, as calm and collected as the commander looked all the time, but Clarke had seen the commander's jaw clench and that never boded well for whoever tried to defy her.

 

"Clarke." Lexa turned to the blonde fully now, having washed her mind of the encounter of just a moment ago, as she was wont to do. There was no time to linger. Despite everything, she still had a space in her head to check up on Clarke. "Are you nervous?"

Clarke took a breath and released it shakily. There was a part of her that wanted to look at this as a transaction, just something else that had to be done to ensure that her people, people who didn't have a choice but to be a part of the ground that have been Lexa's people's from the beginning, could finally live peacefully. It was necessary for survival. And if sacrificing this one part of her, the part that she thought she'd never even have the privilege to have in the first place, could be the key to start the whole peace process, then she would sacrifice it.

Clarke mentally ran through the rights it afforded her: the passage through the blockade was primary. It made her one of the _Trigedakru_ while maintaining her status as a _Skaikru_. And if she can talk to the leaders in Arkadia, preferably not Pike, to declare her part of the council, the bond could possibly unite their people, which will be the first step into reinstating the _Skaikru_ as part of the coalition.

However, if a war breaks out, she a side must be chosen, in which case being the _Heda's houmon_ would take priority. Any attack on her would mean an attack on the commander, and that basically ensured that at least she won't be attacked by Lexa's people.

A lot of the ifs really came from the position of the people in Arkadia. If it was possible to separate Pike's followers from Kane's then Clarke knew that Lexa would have the power to declare the latter untouchable if a war does breakout. The goal was really to minimize casualties, and if Pike's followers continued to be hostile, then the innocents will have to be picked out from the _Skaikru_ and the rest will face of with Lexa's army.

There were still a lot of uncertainties, but the biggest certainty they had was that the union of _Heda_ and _Wanheda_ solidified them as a single unit and to the eyes of Lexa's people, that meant whoever _Wanheda_ led would become _Heda's_ as well. So if at the very least Clarke is able to extract whoever she needs to extract from Arkadia, those who didn't want the war, then Clarke would have been able to save her people.

Lexa seemed to soften as all these things ran through Clarke's mind, rendering the blonde unable to answer. Lexa stayed where she was, not wanting to sway Clarke's decision. While she knew of Clarke's feelings, while they had basked in each other's presence and enjoyed the small moment they were afforded, Lexa knew Clarke was making this decision ultimately from a point of view of her people. While Lexa had finally allowed herself the small selfish decision of showing affection for Clarke, it did not mean that Clarke would be happy about a lifetime commitment of being bonded to her.

If things didn't go well between them, the bond will become a burden, and Lexa knew of couples who have gone through the ceremony regretting the decision. In the past, whenever the reason was abuse from either party of the bonded, the abuser had always been punished with death, as per the laws of the coalition. Violence within the context of a bonded couple was punishable by death, and with as stringent as laws as they had, there was little clamor for any separations.

Which means it was practically unheard of and only amongst the outcasts.

When Lexa started to speak, her voice was soft. "The bonding may stand merely as a contract between us to allow you to negotiate for your people, Clarke. It does not have to be any more than you wish it to be."

Clarke met Lexa's eyes at that and she thought that if the worst the war could give her was a wife who thought of Clarke's wellbeing before theirs, then, certainly, there are worse things that could happen.

While Clarke knew her fears lie in the unknown, in the possibility that in the future, the bond will hinder them from relationships in the future, she had already felt the fear of almost losing Lexa, and that was not something she wanted to go through again. In fact it was that fear that had solidified her belief that no matter the circumstances that surrounded their lives, Clarke would always know that Lexa was a part of her. Inevitably. Undoubtedly.

And as unprepared as she was to tether herself to someone at barely nineteen years of age, she was equally unprepared to experience losing Lexa when she had already lost so much, including a part of herself in the last few months.

She approached Lexa then, bridging the gap between them before reaching for Lexa's hand, which Lexa didn't hesitate to give. Clarke tried to get a read on what Lexa was thinking, but at the moment, Lexa was opting to show only her concern for Clarke and none of the anxiety of having Clarke agree to how Lexa had just proposed they treat the bond they were about to go through. Knowing there was little time to bask in whatever they were able to foster in Polis, the fragile, growing thing they have between them, real and completely theirs, Clarke knew there was no other way to embark in this ceremony but with all of her.

In a gesture that made Lexa's heart flutter in tenderness, Clarke lifted Lexa's hand slowly and pressed a soft kiss to her knuckles, and kept her hand on Lexa's as she said. "I'm going through the bonding ceremony for my people." She watched something in Lexa's eyes shutter, like blinds falling into place to hide whatever Clarke should be able to see there, so she squeezed Lexa's hand, urging the taller girl to keep listening to her. "But I'm choosing to be bonded to _you_... _for me_."

And it was all Lexa needed to hear, it seems, because her stiff shoulders dropped in relief and she was letting Clarke pull her into an embrace that Lexa clung to. She couldn't even remember when the last time she was hugged was, so she held on tighter fear of the next few days enveloping her whole being.

She'd allowed herself to love again.

And she was allowing herself the very real possibility of loss in the future.

* * *

The prisons were a dark place, in both the figurative and the literal sense. People didn't usually last very long there, so while vast, only a part of the dug out, underground tunnels of Polis prison was in use. Lexa had only been there once, and it was to personally torture the warrior who had delivered Costia's head. Her eyes had been red with fury, heart heavy with the loss and she had fought desperately against the stifling guilt and despair. She had taken it all out on the _Azgeda_ who dared stay to watch how she would react.

On better days, the commander only sends people to the prisons, and they never hear from them again. It's a known death sentence as most of the ones captured are war prisoners, which means they are there for information. And once they lose their significance, the guards stop caring about them.

There were as many people who have tried to kill themselves as those who have been killed.

No one has ever escaped, yet.

Lexa descended the tunnels then, after seeing off Clarke, to deal with her former flamekeeper. The new one would be declared that night through a ritual that hadn't been done in almost 50 years. He would only be the third of his kind, while Lexa was already the fourteenth commander.

The war had seen many commanders killed ruthlessly by the enemy clans, and they had only lived for a couple of years on the average. It was a common belief that cutting off the head of the allied clans as they were called then, consisting of the _Trikru_ , the _Floudonkru_ , the _Podakru_ and the _Ingranronakru_ bound only by a feeble spoken truce would incapacitate them enough to allow the other clans to dominate. And it nearly did twice. However, the four clans had steadfastly clung together, able to survive with their unstandardized barter system and fused armies. It was years of turmoil before the tenth commander had started talking about peace treaties, and it had taken until the fourteenth, Lexa's rule, to finally have all the clans united in a coalition.

And the price was Lexa's heart.

It was true that only the second commander had taken a wife. The first commander, Becca, had chosen to rule alone. The third and a couple of others had chosen to take several concubines over choosing one partner. The rest had simply died too soon during their rule to even foster enough of a relationship with another to consider bonding. Almost all had either died with their partners, bonded or not, or has had to live without them for the rest of their rule.

By the seventh commander, having ruled seven summers, and having had all of his seven children from different women killed during his rule, taking a partner, let along going through the bonding process had stopped being a possibility for the commander. _Hodnes laik kwelnes._

Lexa reached the cell where Titus was held with all these in her mind, feeling the sting of the new mark on her face, and the rough bandage on her left hand where a cut had been made. Blood had always been symbolic in their culture, and it was involved in the bonding ceremony.

She stood beside one of the few torches that lit the place, making sure the right side of her face, the side where the bonding tattoo had been inked into her skin, would be visible to the former flamekeeper. So he would see that despite his efforts to not only separate her from Clarke, but actually kill the blonde, had resulted in the exact opposite.

Titus appeared from the shadows, beaten and bloody, no doubt from the rumors going around that the he had caused the commander to fall ill, leaving _Wanheda_ to care for her. Despite everything, Lexa felt a jolt of worry, of concern for the person who had essentially raised her to become what she was at the moment. She had stopped being a child when she had scraped her knees when she was three, and had been immediately sent to Polis with the other Nightbloods. She had no recollection of her parents. She had only Titus.

Now she didn't.

"How do you plead?"

It came from a part of Lexa that wanted to believe that Titus had a higher purpose for his actions. That his concern for Lexa was borne of more than just his worry that Clarke was bad for the commander. She dared to hope that there was a conspiracy behind the clans, some explanation no matter how absurd, that would explain why Titus had acted the way that he did.

"My punishment is death," Titus replied with a clear voice, as if he wasn't sentencing himself with the gravest penalty, the only punishment that will pay for the crime of harming the commander. " _Jus drein jus daun._ "

His eyes met Lexa's straight on, before they fix on the black marks on Lexa's face, the periphery slightly pink due to how new they were. He did not speak about the bonding tattoo, but he met Lexa's eyes again to show that he was not afraid, that he knew what he did.

Lexa saw none of the affection that would sometimes slip whenever he gave her shoulder a squeeze after an accomplishment. Titus had lost seven commanders already. Lexa could have been the eighth and it could have been by his hand. She knew he would accept the punishment because the thought of almost killing Lexa was not something he thought he would ever feel.

So Lexa only shook her head. "We are veering away from bloodshed."

"I almost killed you."

Lexa met his gaze with bland, stoic eyes, her back straight, her shoulders stiff, her hands clasped behind her back and her feet planted steadily. Everything that Titus had ingrained in her showed even while she was only standing. "You did."

A slight hand movement from her had someone from the shadows approaching Lexa to give her a dagger. She took it without looking away from Titus, then moved towards her mentor. With a deft flick of her wrist she shifted her hold from the handle to the blade and handed it to Titus. " _Yu faya nou mo. Nau, yu hosh trashsaka._ " Your fire is no more. Now, you are but ashes.

And while preventing the spillage of blood was the goal now, Lexa was still bound by the ritualistic traditions of her people, of cutting her palm open to share blood with her bonded, of burning skin to symbolize a kill. And losing one's purpose, losing one's worth was tantamount to being useless in their society. Before the next flamekeeper was to be named, Titus needed to be rendered incapable of his service. Essentially dead.

He would have to lose his eyes, tongue and hands.

With nary another glance, Lexa turned, feeling, yet, another part of her wither at the loss of her mentor to traditions that were supposed to protect her people.

" _Kep in em ste kik._ " _Keep him alive._

Lexa walked away with the thought, that while the traditions saved the people she was born to protect with all of her, all she has ever received in return is the loss of the ones who matter to her.

* * *

Bellamy was out with a handful of scouts to check the periphery. So far, there was no breach for the wall of warriors that surrounded Arkadia. The move towards the village close to the first one they were supposed to take over had been postponed because the farm people came back with only half their numbers. It was a small group of six, but losing three people, two of them their agriculturists was a blow to Arkadia. They needed to start farming as soon as possible because winter was fast approaching.

With his gun at the ready, Bellamy gestured for the scouts to pause as she squinted his eyes at the thinnest portion of the blockade that had been imposed on them. It was too risky to attack, of course, but if they assembled an army, taking out the weakest part would be the smartest option.

He was surprised the grounders were keeping their word that they weren't going to attack unless the Sky people tried to breech the blockade.

But maybe he wasn't really. Because the commander had sent people to protect the Sky people. People he had helped kill.

His hand tightened around his weapon, feeling guilt of his actions eating him up. But the moment he started to acknowledge that he felt guilt for what he did, the heavier his chest felt. It was easier to think of it as something he was doing for his people. It was easier to justify his actions as something he would do because no one else would, so that no one else would.

It was easy to recall the words Clarke had told him before leaving them.

"I bear it so they don't have to."

And he did, Bellamy thought, his jaw working as she motioned for the scouts to fall back so they could report back to Pike. While Clarke had been gallivanting the forest he had done everything that he could for to keep everyone in one piece. He had become part of the guard. He had trained under Lincoln to improve his fighting skills. He had led several groups on missions to keep Arkadia surviving.

He was doing everything for Arkadia.

"Indra."

His head snapped up at Lincoln's voice and he looked towards the former grounder following his line of sight to see Indra, the only person they left alive of the 300 warriors he had shot.

All that blood was in his hands.

He felt something inside of him break as he realized that the chief grounder had a sling around her fighting arm, and yet she was here.

"We should have killed her. Sending a message only provoked the commander into doing this. It gave them time for action."

He didn't reply to the scout, only motioning for them to move faster so they could get back to camp already.

They had moved enough of a distance for the arrows that will be reaching them not to be fatal when they heard a commotion. They all turned, seeing the some of the grounders raise their weapons towards whoever it was beyond the wall of warriors. Then the warriors suddenly parted, exclamation of " _Wanheda_ " and " _Hedatu_ " being echoed by more and more grounders.

They watched apprehensive, and Bellamy cautiously gave an order to be ready, the safeties of their guns clicking off as they separated to find enough cover in case it meant Lexa was arriving with who Bellamy suspected was Clarke.

But it was only Clarke who broke through the body of warriors, flanked by large warriors on both sides, wearing the official garb that could only mean that Lexa had sent them to protect the blonde.

Bellamy felt his heart clench at the betrayal, and he looked back at the scouts, the few people he had taken with him, to gauge if they could take on the small group of warriors who entered the Sky people territory with Clarke. It was trespassing. Bellamy could arrest her for it, and kill the other grounders with her.

But before he could even move a muscle to give an order, he heard the cry from one of the warriors in the blockade that essentially paralyzed his team.

" _Shil Wanheda op! Em kom Heda!_ " _Protect the commander of death! She is of Heda!_

About fifteen archers closest to where Clarke came from loaded their bows but kept them directed to the ground. Ready to protect Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you find any inconsistencies, please let me know. with the language too


	5. Ste Klir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashbacks of the bonding ceremony, and Clarke's encounter with Bellamy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grimnarim - the tattoo thing will pop up next chapter. :)) In Lexa's thoughts. :)

_Flashback_

Until the very last moment that Lexa could, she reassured Clarke that they didn't have to do this. Lexa could probably wrangle an excuse, a mandate from the commander to protect Clarke, _Wanheda. Kom Skaikru._ Lexa could probably risk it. Probably. She left out all the risks that came along with using her power to protect Clarke against the blockade. She told Clarke she would send her best warriors to protect the blonde.

But Clarke was aware that if Lexa did as she said, gave her authority that the other clan members didn't recognize, the moment she stepped foot out of Polis, Lexa would have a mutiny in her hands. Lexa spoke of her death like it was nothing, so Lexa was able to speak about granting Clarke immunity by imposing a mandate on the other clans. But it wasn't anything Clarke could risk. Not after almost losing Lexa.

While bonding with Lexa would be seen as a political move.

So they stood now, before the ceremonial room of the commander. Beyond the doors was the new flamekeeper, who Lexa only vaguely mentioned to Clarke, and the nightbloods. Beyond the room was a balcony, where the public part of the ceremony will take place. The crowds hadn't even been difficult to call. Apart from the war brewing in the horizon, the union of Head and Wanheda was something to bear witness to.

Lexa stood about a foot away from Clarke, giving the blonde space. "There is still time to change your mind. _Klark kom Skaikru._ "

Clarke felt her jaw clench with nerves, with the weight of what she was about to do. If her people refused the coalition even after she had spoken to them, Clarke would have to stay with Lexa, forever on the side of the fight that was against each and everyone of the people she had vowed to herself she would always protect. It was a gamble.

But she found herself reaching for Lexa's hand, and pushing away her worries to focus on the young woman beside her. "What about you? You haven't told me how much this will change _your_ life."

The corner of Lexa's lips lifted in a small smile, devoid of the happiness that should be attached to an event like this. "I have long since relinquished any right I have to choose myself over my people, Clarke."

Then she looked away from Clarke, to stare at the closed doors that would simultaneously change their lives forever, but would, really, change nothing at all. "And while I had once… hoped for a chance to find someone to bond with-" She shook her head, because that thought had been extinguished when Costia had died years ago. "-I had thought it would be the one thing I would be able to take for myself." The corner of Lexa's lips lifted again, still humorless, trying to be nonchalant. "And that my betrothed were not forced into it."

Clarke watched Lexa's jaw work, felt the hand in hers tighten around her fingers. And she squeezed back, because seeing a side of Lexa that was vulnerable was something Clarke had realized was a reason for her undoing. "I'm not. And you will."

Clarke watched Lexa's eyebrows furrow, watched her spine stiffen even more, as if it were possible, and she realized it was Lexa's way of detaching herself from the feelings she'd been taught for her whole life was weakness. "Lexa."

Green eyes flickered to fix on her blue ones, and Clarke squeezed their hands together harder when she saw Lexa's eyes harden in their resolve. "I am Heda, Clarke. And I am my people's."

"And I am Wanheda. And I am my people's."

Lexa was about to divert her eyes, weighed down by the reality that the last part of herself that she thought she could keep, the part of herself she'd buried and tucked away and rendered insignificant, unimportant, completely and utterly dissociated from her reality, was going to be laid down for her people once again. And while she'd accepted her fate years ago, she still felt that weight threaten to overwhelm her.

She was the commander. But she was also human.

However, she was unable to divert her eyes when Clarke, like she had in the privacy of their quarters-- _their_ quarters--lifted her hand to place a tender kiss on her hand, fingers still entwined with Clarke's. Clarke dropped their fused hands and placed her other on Lexa's cheek, and touched the parts that did not have kohl, war paint, that even in bonding Lexa had to wear.

"But I am also yours, Lexa."

And Lexa couldn't help leaning into that touch, feeling her eyelids flicker, and the breath from her lungs escape her. And she felt breathless. High. Like she always did around Clarke. Like she always did around the young woman who had forced her way into what Lexa had thought was a nonexistent heart.

"And you…" Clarke brought them closer together, hand sliding to the back of Lexa's neck. "You will be mine."

* * *

_Present_

Clarke had expected the raised weapons. She'd ridden with Lexa's strongest guards to Arkadia at the fastest possible pace and it had taken six hours. Vaguely, she remembered that Octavia did the same, probably switching horses when she arrived at Arkadia to rest the one she'd ridden from Polis. To gather the instruments for blood extraction and transfusion that Lexa would need, the antibiotics that Clarke had injected.

She'd been thankful for what Octavia had done, and she knew while Octavia was against the kill order, the younger girl was aware that if Lexa died, a passive blockade would turn into an aggressive warfront.

Clarke faced the blockade now, the horse she'd ridden with Lexa when she first rode to Arkadia to find the 299 slaughtered warriors strong beneath her legs. She and the five warriors who rode with her slowed when the bows had been loaded with arrows at her approach. Probably at recognizing _Skaikru_ clothing. The coalition was out for blood, and from the shouts of outrage she could hear several hundred meters away still from the blockade, they were itching for blood to be spilled.

Clarke was honestly surprised it hasn't, yet. Maybe Pike had some sense, after all.

But it wouldn't do to get shot with an arrow before she even stepped foot into Arkadia, so she raised her hand to motion for the riders with her to raise the flag that bore the symbol of the commander, the infinity symbol. Some of the strings of the bows went lax at that, but not all of them. When they were near enough, about 50 meters from the line of people surrounding her people, Clarke slid her hood up and away from her face. From her periphery, she saw even more bows drop towards the ground and Clarke knew it was because her blonde hair gave away who she was.

_Wanheda._

But when she looked up, intricate braids that Lexa had asked her hair be put into allowing for her face to show, she not only saw the rest of the weapons be put away. She saw dozens of pairs of eyes set in confusion, in surprise. Then in reverence.

And those that could see her, those who understood, those who _knew_ , dropped to their knees.

" _Hedatu!_ "

Lexa had explained to her that while she didn't hold any particular special position in the coalition, that she was only considered an ambassador, equal to the other ambassadors from the other clans, the title Clarke earned from the mountain had elevated her to something of a legend, almost, but not quite, equal to the _Heda_.

And while the union's primary purpose was to allow Clarke passage through the blockade and make her the official bridge between the _Skaikru_ and the rest of the coalition as the commander's bonded, there was also a political and perk to it: coalition would see the union of _Heda_ and _Wanhead_ as fusion of power, of two powerful leaders joining for collective cause. And if _Wanheda_ were to bear the commander's symbol, it meant she had the commander's power and protection, not by law, but by spirit.

Clarke knew it was a smart way of using the bond and it took advantage of the people's tendency to err towards the mystical roots of the commander. Clarke was aware that people had started to think that killing her would transfer whatever powers they thought she had to the killer. No doubt the same belief that led them to weave that legend that is _Wanheda_ would also make them believe that the union strengthens both Lexa and her.

Vaguely, Clarke mused that it was just a fancy way of saying 'if you can't beat them, join them'.

The mass of people parted as she approached, allowing her entry into the lands that Arkadia was supposed to own had they accepted the invitation to the coalition. Their hoses had by then slowed to a slow walk. She clenched her jaw when she saw, in the distance, a group of people with guns at the ready, led by person with curly dark hair that she would recognize anywhere.

She rode with the regality of her title she still heard being called behind her as she moved past the blockade and into _Skaikru_ territory. She hoped Bellamy wasn't stupid enough to shoot her guards, especially with the entire army watching. When she was able to ride until they were only a dozen or so feet apart, Clarke was thankful that despite the tension, no attacks happened.

"Clarke-" Bellamy started to move forward, but two spears lifted to prevent him from going any further. In reaction, the scouts he'd picked lifted their guns, ready to shoot at any sign of offense from the grounders.

Clarke merely lifted her head in a gesture of nonchalance, the way she'd seen Lexa do. She realized then that Lexa probably did it to contain thoughts and emotions she wasn't allowed to display as a leader, and Clarke would have to keep tempering herself throughout this whole ordeal.

She would have to forget that the person looking at her now had once been a strong ally.

She would have to forget that Bellamy had once been one of her pillars.

But at the same time she had to forget that Bellamy had tried to handcuff her in place, thinking he knew what was best for her.

She had to forget that he blamed her for what they both did.

She felt the weight of all those thoughts in her mind, and she knew that she could easily be overwhelmed by everything if she didn't put them behind her.

And this was just Bellamy.

Bellamy's brows furrowed and he tried to take another step. "Clarke." And he found that the spears that had crossed to prevent him from advancing were now directed at his neck and he had no choice but to take a few steps backward.

"Blake-"

Bellamy raised a hand to stop his men from doing anything. "Stand down," he muttered, even as the blades of the spears on his neck moved closer so he had to take another step back.

"You do not have the honor of calling _Hedatu_ by her name," Alec, the guard on Clarke's right gruffly pronounced.

Clarke felt the tug of familiarity when Bellamy looked at her again, a plea in his eyes. There was a time when they had led together, and she would never forget that. But…

_People die when you're in charge._

Clarke's eyes turned to steel at the thoughts that entered her mind. "Bring Pike out and the blockade stays as it is."

Bellamy pursed his lips. "What, you're a grounder now?"

Clarke ignored the jibe, because yes, in the context of everything that has happened, she was. And she was proud of it. "I am here to negotiate the re-alliance of the _Skaikru_."

"Pike would never go for that."

"Are you authorized to speak for Pike?"

Bellamy hesitated. "He doesn't have time for this. He wants the blockade out."

"He also wants to kill the inhabitants and take over the villages close to Arkadia. I don't see the commander allowing either. Let me speak to Pike." Clarke's voice was neutral as she spoke, and it remained so even as the guilt flashed in Bellamy's eyes for a second. "I'm still recognized as the ambassador of _Skaikru_. If the people of Arkadia wish to re-ally themselves with the commander, the blockade will be withdrawn."

With a glance back at the scouts behind him, he motioned to one, and murmured something to him. The guy, too young to be holding a gun, Clarke noted, nodded once before starting to move away. One of Clarke's guards held out a spear to stop him.

"Hey!" Bellamy yelled, standing in front of the spear to push the young _Skaikru_ back. "Clarke-"

"You address _Hedatu_ properly, or you do not address her at all," Orion, the guard behind Alec spoke, as he sneered at Bellamy. "If he is to call for backup-"

"Tell him to stand down, Clarke," Bellamy ordered, head turning towards Clarke but his eyes locked with Orion's, stubborn in his protection of his people.

But Orion has had enough of the disrespect for Clarke, and he adjusted his hold so that Bellamy had to tilt his head up to avoid getting cut by the sharp blade. Clarke clenched her jaw. If she showed any form of favor to anyone, she would be put in a very precarious position. "What did you tell him?"

"That you want an audience with Pike! Tell this grounder to-"

"Orion, _chil daun_ ," Clarke calmly intoned.

" _Hedatu, his insolence-_ " Orion started, even as his hand retracted the spear somewhat.

"Is not unfounded. He has no obligation to respect me. He follows Pike." Clarke turned towards Bellamy, eyes flat. "Send your messenger. We'll meet Pike on neutral ground, halfway between Arkadia and the blockade."

"And if he refuses?" Bellamy asked, hands tightening around his gun.

"He can't," Clarke answered as she started to turn her horse towards the blockade again, to talk to the generals about terms and how they were going to go about meeting with Pike. "Talk to him if you must, Bellamy." She watched his eyes falter, but he tried to maintain his hard gaze. "You can't want this war to happen. Make him listen."

Bellamy's eyes flickered behind her. "If you get rid of the blockade-"

"The blockade is in place because they consider us a threat." Clarke hoped that identifying as one of them would help. "He attempted to massacre a village that had done nothing to us. Of course the coalition would respond. We're lucky this isn't an all out war."

"Pike won't listen."

"Bellamy." Clarke's eyes turned pleading, because her friend had only ever responded to that. "Try."

She watched him swallow, eyes flickering towards the guards behind her. She knew there was still a part of him that cared for their people, enough not to want a war that would ultimately jeopardize their survival. Despite how Bellamy had taken advantage of her weakness, her need for him as one of her closest friends the last time that they had met, Clarke knew he was her best shot at getting to Pike, at least to talk about things.

"Please," she added quietly, motioning for her guards to stand down completely, and they did.

Bellamy lowered the gun that had been at the ready at his chest, and he nodded once, not saying anything. "Report back," he ordered to the rest of his team, and he heard them shuffle reluctantly in place before they started to walk away, occasionally looking back warily at the grounders. Bellamy took a couple of steps back before nodding again towards Clarke. The corner of his lips twitched, and he said, "Nice tats," before turning and walking away.

The burden of the words that have been exchanged between them was heavy in the air, but Clarke was the first one to admit that her friendship with Bellamy was anything but normal. He'd hesitated to save her form her death once. She'd willingly sent him into the mountain. They'd killed hundreds of people together.

But the reference to the new markings on her face had her ducking her head, because of course they reminded her of Lexa and thinking of Lexa made the whole encounter feel lighter. The commander probably shouldn't have that much of an effect on her, she thought idly, as she motioned for her riders to move towards the blockade again. But she let the memory of her lover fill her mind, just to placate her raising heart beat that had feared that first encounter would turn sour.

* * *

_Flashback_

Clarke closed her eyes as she felt Lexa's soft touch against the sting of the new tattoo on her face. Any other day, it would have been torture, but Clarke was too distracted by other things, by the obligations she would have once she left, and what she would be leaving behind when she did. When she finally opened her eyes, she met Lexa's soft ones, eyes she'd only ever seen in private, eyes she won't be able to see for a length of time that she didn't even want to think about.

"If your discourse with the chancellor or Arkadia goes well, our people will be once again at peace in a fortnight," Lexa murmured, her voice quiet as she picked up a small bowl that contained ash and coal mixed with water, the makings of the ceremonial face paint. She tipped Clarke's face up so she could carefully apply it with a brush. "You need not worry, Clarke."

"I won't see you for days. I’m not only worried about our people." Clarke reached sideward and pulled a small table closer to the two of them, the light in the room coming only from the candles around them and the small window that led to the balcony where they were going to be presented. She plucked the bowl on Lexa's hand up and placed it on the table and moved to intertwine the fingers of her right arm to the fingers of Lexa's left so the brunette could still work on her face paint.

Lexa's brush strokes stilled at her words, but she continued after only a moment. "You need not worry about me either."

"Someone tried to kill you the last time you met up with the ambassadors. I have reason to worry."

"If it's my time-"

Clarke's hand slapped to cover Lexa's lips, and the commander could only react by blinking rapidly at the blonde, surprised as the sudden move and the fact that she had been too distracted by Clarke to defend against it. Clarke glared at Lexa, fingers flexing around Lexa's enough to hurt. "I've spent days helping you heal. You don't get to throw all that away."

"Clarke-"

" _Ai- ai hod yu in._ " Clarke's fingers tightened further, and Lexa didn't flinch, and despite the pain, her eyes softened. Clarke had to blink tears away before continuing. "I'm going to worry everyday. And I'm not going to stop worrying until I see you again. So for my sake," Clarke lifted Lexa's hand to press a kiss to the back of it, a lone tear slipping down her cheek as the pain of watching Lexa bleed out squeezed her chest painfully for a second. " _Beja, Leksa. Ste klir._ "

And it was heartbreaking to know that they both were aware that Lexa couldn't promise anything of the sort. She was amidst people who didn't agree with how she was changing tradition. Titus was only one of them. Lexa's guards were sworn to protect her, but if Titus could go behind her back and try and attack someone Lexa treated as a guest, then anyone could attack Lexa.

Lexa returned Clarke's pleading gaze with one of affection, one she only ever reserved for Clarke. "For once, I will not be the one in a possible warfront. I believe I should be the one telling you to be safe."

In the same way that Lexa couldn't promise to be safe amongst the leaders of the different clans, Clarke couldn't promise that she would be safe while in Arkadia, not when warriors who have been sent there to protect the Skaikru had suffered the fate that they did. Clarke was surprised Lexa was even allowing her to go, when she'd yanked down a warrior in the last war to protect Clarke.

But maybe that was why she was so drawn to Lexa. Because while Lexa was protective of Clarke, Lexa also trusted her implicitly. Lexa knew that she was capable of bringing peace again, and Lexa was putting their people first, again, by being willing to let Clarke do what Clarke always did best. And these thoughts came with the realization that Lexa was holding on to her hand as tightly as Clarke was, and, really, Clarke shouldn't be surprised.

Clarke slid forward in her chair to press her lips to Lexa's and reveled in the soft lips of the commander who had probably ordered the deaths of thousands of lives. Clarke was aware that she was kissing the same person who had left her in Mount Weather. But, by gods, that didn't dampen the overwhelming feeling in her chest. If anything, it forced her to take what she can while she still could, and that meant taking every moment, every kiss and every touch while they still had the chance to.

"Let me hear you say it," Clarke murmured, the crowds outside of the doors that led to the balcony filtering through and they could now hear the screams and cheers in reaction to the bonding that was about to be proclaimed. They should finish preparing soon, Clarke mused.

Lexa scrunched her face. Lexa. The great commander, teasingly scrunched her face to make it look like she didn't want to say the words Clarke needed to hear, and Clarke rolled her eyes as she pulled back, a smile tugging at her lips. _Cease every moment that you can_ , she thought, as laughter bubbled up from her chest. "Really, Lexa?"

"Well-"

Then Clarke was pressing her palm, cool with the paint, on Lexa's cheek opposite the one with the still raw tattoo and Lexa's jaw dropped, looking towards the mirror that was put in the room for the purpose of applying the ceremonial paint. Lexa's features morphed into a scowl, the second facial expression that Clarke was seeing for the first time on Lexa's face. Clarke wanted the chance to see all of them

"You are a child," Lexa muttered, picking up a rag and using the small bottle of water to wet it. Clarke only laughed and took the rag from Lexa to clean up the brunette's face. Clarke was looking at the mess she's made on Clarke's cheek when Lexa murmured, "And I love you, too."

Clarke's eyes snapped to Lexa's, and she couldn't help the sigh the escaped her. She didn't want this to be the last time she hears those words, Clarke thought, hands stilling on Lexa's face.

"We need to hurry," Lexa said with a teasing smile at Clarke at the same time that Clarke said-

"I'll come back."

They couldn't. They couldn't promise anything to each other, but sometimes if you wished it enough, and you hoped it enough, maybe fate will take pity on you, make it happen for you. And Clarke, overcome with the feeling of hope, when she'd slowly felt it ebbing away with her sanity the past few months, felt herself grasp desperately at it. Because seeing Lexa smile at her filled her with something she needed to get through the next few weeks.

"And I will be here, Clarke," Lexa answered, voice clear of anything but a promise she shouldn't be giving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want a BellamyxClarke friendship, I hope you don't mind. I want them to be bros. But... maybe... there will be jealous!Lexa in the future. ;) we'll see!
> 
> Also, the translations, if I feel that you understand them anyway, I won't include them anymore, ok?


	6. River of Styx

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke negotiates with Pike and once again puts her life on the line for her people. While a union flashback all but shows Lexa offering her own to Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I'm sorry this took long but it was hard getting into Pike's head. I wrote the Clexa part pretty easily, but the parts in Arkadia were difficult as fuck to write.
> 
> @Grimnarin - I finally put it in! HAHAHA

_Present_

Clarke couldn't really hide her arrival, what with the blockade completely surrounding Arkadia. She knew Octavia must have snuck in given how she looked like the warriors now, and that wasn't something Clarke could do, blonde hair immediately giving her away. And announcing herself as someone the coalition considered to be tied to the _Trikru_ while also being recognized still as the _Skaikru_ ambassador allowed her to manage things in a level of politics that would maybe allow her to save as many as she could.

However, declaring herself also had the tantamount effect of not allowing her to talk to the people inside Arkadia who she really needed to confer plans with. Her mother, for one, and maybe Kane. She also needed to talk to Octavia to maybe make contingency plans to sneak people out if things turned awry. Now she only had to trust that once they heard she was there, they would have to figure out how to save those who don't follow Pike.

Clarke was only worried about the number. It was difficult enough as it was for Octavia to go unnoticed, especially with the blockade in place, and Octavia was already in the best position to sneak in and out. But taking a few dozens of people out of Arkadia would be close to impossible if Pike didn't willingly decide to let them go.

As a leader, Clarke wouldn't allow it if it was her. She would try and protect everyone, thinking she was doing her best by them. She knew there was little chance for Pike to let them go if he thought the same. But she honestly still had to try.

She stood now beside the horse she'd ridden and she could already feel the exhaustion of the trip from Polis creeping in, on top of the worry of the proceedings and the hollowed out part of her chest that had been there ever since she'd left Lexa. She had allowed an hour for Pike to make whatever preparations or device any negotiations that he wanted to bring up before meeting with her, in plain sight of both the citizens of Arkadia looking in from inside their walls, and Lexa's warriors, weapons idle at their side or stood by their feet, but tense with vigilance. If the _Skaikru_ so much as twitched with their guns, the makings of 12 armies would bear down on them.

They were all already looking for an excuse to attack, Clarke knew. She had to diffuse the situation as quickly and as calmly as possible.

She stiffened her spine when the gates to Arkadia finally opened, and who she recognized as Pike, one of her teachers in the Ark just a few years ago, walked out, flanked on each side by a pair of guards who had their guns hanging by their chests, with their hands off the triggers but lightly clutching the grips.

"Chancellor Pike," Clarke called in greeting.

"Clarke Griffin."

Clarke watched his eyes flicker to the side of her face, and she knew he was studying the new tattoos there. The meaning might be unknown to him, but she knew he would only assume what he needed to assume to make the decisions for this meeting: she wasn't one of them.

"I’m here as the bridge between the people of Arkadia and the coalition." Clarke's voice was strong, even as she felt something uncomfortable churn in her gut. Pike eyed the five men behind her with obvious mistrust, and she wondered if that was how she'd looked months before. Only a few months before, she thought, still unable to wrap her mind around all the changes that have already happened in just a short amount of time.

She was _bonded_ now, for float's sake.

And while that thought made her mind swim, it also warmed her. If this went well, she could go back to Lexa. She was holding on to that feeling, because it had been a while since she looked forward to anything. Her future had stopped mattering to her for a while now and she was just realizing that she had something anchoring her again, and it was _liberating_.

"You have no authority here anymore, Clarke." Clarke started to open her mouth to reply, but Pike continued, not letting her speak. "I've heard about you from Blake, a few others. You undermine authority. Even your mother's when she was chancellor. That won't happen in my term."

That was true, Clarke conceded in her head, but things were different on the ground. Those who knew more could do more, and when they'd been on the ground for weeks before her mother and the others had gotten there, they had already learned how to survive. In the same manner that she now knew more about the culture of the people who survived on earth for nearly a century before people of the Ark descended.

"I led the hundred, my friends, after the Ark sent us here to die." Clarke lifted her chin up. "We knew more about the lands, the people, and while we were adapting to the change, the people who followed us here were trying to cling to beliefs that wouldn't survive on the ground."

Pike's only reaction was to raise his eyebrows, and Clarke didn't want to keep going on discussing something irrelevant to what was happening. She was tired of the _ad hominem_ arguments she always received just because she was younger. Somehow everything she's done was swept under the rug, and all everyone could focus on were her mistakes, her actions taken completely out of context.

After spending a few weeks around someone whose only reaction to everything she's had to do since she arrived on the ground was to understand, Clarke decided that she was done trying to listen to people who didn't _know_.

"You were a group of kids who were forced to survive. But you don't have to anymore." Pike shook his head. "Why are you here with the grounders, Clarke? You could be behind the walls of Arkadia. With your mother. And we have the capability to thrive on our own."

It would have worked, Clarke thought, if seeing her people didn't mean seeing the faces of those she'd had to sacrifice in the mountain. It would have worked if Clarke didn't find it hard to equate saving her people to losing herself more and more. But Clarke didn't even try to convince herself that the idea of relinquishing responsibility wasn't appealing to her. _Maybe someday_ echoed in the temporary hole in her chest that separating with Lexa had left and she imagined how easy it would be if weren't the leader of this stubborn people. Clarke thought they'd shifted negotiation strategies until Pike's next words.

"We killed 300 with seven guns. We can take the blockade."

Clarke could feel the tension rise behind her from the five guards Lexa had ordered to stay with her at all times. Lexa had ordered them to listen only to the _Skaikru_ ambassador, but Clarke knew she had no way of knowing if there was a stray Quint amount them. If ever there was, the way that Pike was talking could incite an unprecedented attack from one of them, and she didn't really want things to get out of hand so soon.

Admittedly, if Pike died now, she wouldn't really care. But the others with Pike would surely attack, and despite Lexa's most skilled guards, they were surely going to die from the automatic guns currently trained on them. And Clarke had every bit of intention of returning to Polis after she fixed this mess.

To Lexa.

"We're being offered a solution that doesn't require bloodshed," Clarke beseeched, hoping for some shred of humanity to still exist within the man. "The commander wishes for us to join the coalition and we won't have to worry about the blockade or about food-"

Pike scoffed. "Stop talking like you're one of us, Clarke Griffin. You have tattoos on your face that mean you've been sucked into that savagery."

Even without the movement of the guards behind her pointing spears and arrows into Pike, she felt them _shift_. Her position was new, and there hadn't been anyone who filled it for years because the _Heda_ usually didn't take anyone for their own because of the different complications. But Lexa's people, Clarke's people now, too, were people of lore and she was right in the middle of it. She was _kom Heda_. She was _Hedatu_. And her people will not tolerate any kind of insult from _Skaikru_.

"We pledged to be a part of the coalition-" Clarke tried again, trying to resolve this in the most nonviolent way that she thought she could. Diplomacy was something that she was praying for, because if that failed, war would come soon after.

" _You_ pledged to be a part of the coalition. But _I'm_ chancellor. And I can veto any decisions made, especially by unauthorized parties." Pike spoke with the authority needed to keep his position, and none of the compassion and warmth she had noticed Kane had developed after being a leader for years. This was someone one had a single-minded goal in mind, and he couldn't yet wrap his head around the externalities involved in making decision.

Clarke knew it was time to start appealing to logic now. "The Ark had never been led by dictatorship."

"The people of Arkadia voted me."

"To be chancellor. Not to make radical decisions that put our very existence at risk." Clarke's words had shifted from calm to sharp, unable to hold in her frustration any longer. The choices she is offering are literally between living peacefully and going to war, and Pike is choosing the latter. For the life of her, she couldn't reconcile how people had put him in his position.

If the rest of the hundred, the rest of _her_ people including those staunch supporters of her mother and Kane, weren't inside the camp right now, Clarke probably would have chosen to let Lexa handle this. Because as much as she wanted to save everyone, she'd learned long ago that she couldn't. But she would be damned if she didn't try and save at least those who didn't want war.

"We're not the people who have been losing warriors the past few days, Clarke Griffin. It's not us you have to worry about." Pike spoke like he was only stating facts, and Clarke knew that if he wasn't coming into this meeting as the leader of the _Skaikru_ , he would have sneered.

Clarke felt herself stiffen at the words, anger finally starting to creep just beyond the borders of her consciousness. It was one thing to be defensive about the people you are sworn to protect. It was another thing altogether to take pride in killing hundreds of innocent lives. It especially affected Clarke because she was there, she was in the position where she had hundreds of lives on her shoulders, where she had to struggle with the decision to choose her people's survival and consequently cause the death of others. She struggled with it everyday.

And to take pride in taking lives was something she could never stomach.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Flashback_

_It was the kind of pain that she welcomed._

_The ceremony was a little different when it was for the commander. The union was known to be a binding of souls, a ritual of the spirit that fused two people into one. While still recognizing the individuality of the people to be bound, it was a declaration of the sacrifice of a part of one's self, of the loss of a part of you in exchange for the one you bond with. But Lexa had also explained to her that they believed the soul was an infinite entity, so the bonding, while sacrificial in ritual, was actually elevating in essence._

_In other words, the union of Heda and the legendary Wanheda was something people were excited and terrified about._

_Clarke could only feel the butterflies in her stomach. She was sure she should be more apprehensive about what was about to happen, but she'd had too many near-death experiences, escaped a lot circumstances that could have ended her life, and she knew being separated from Lexa in the near future could very well be the cause of the their permanent parting. The urgency in her blood was raw, and all she could feel as the pinprick of the tattoo grazed over her skin was that she was going to experience a slice of forever in this one short ceremony._

_They sat now on separate seats, each with a person hovering over them as they were tattooed. Clarke's eyes flickered towards Lexa's, whose face was as stoic as it always was in company that included anyone else but Clarke. Clarke herself managed not to twitch despite the pain on her face. She watched skilled hands run over Lexa's tanned skin, imprinting the symbol Lexa had asked her to sketch for the both of them. Lexa had said that it was supposed to have the symbol of the commander, but she had also requested for Clarke's own to be included._

_So the winding infinity sign started above Lexa's right eyebrow, tracing skin mercifully clear of scars despite the battles she'd fought, down her right cheek. The symbol had an elegant winding line connected to a triangle, symbolizing the mountain, behind Lexa's ear. Wanheda. Those two symbols were the ones visible to everyone. But the line from the infinity symbol doesn't stop on the triangle. It winds downward still to their backs, in Lexa's case, intersecting with her back tattoo. And it slowly shifts from a dark, hard line to broken lines, then to birds._

_The symbol for sky._

_It wasn't always going to be visible, placed over their right shoulder blades, but they would see it, in their most intimate and vulnerable moments and that was what mattered._

_"Em laik odon."_ It is done.

_Lexa gave a slow nod as they stepped back from Clarke and her and Clarke watched as the commander seemed to inhale deeply, mentally readying herself for what was about to happen. Clarke watched from her peripheral vision, her eyes still locked on Lexa, as the latter spoke in quiet Trigedasleng to change Clarke's braids so they were parted from her face. Lexa had looked at her in question, confirming if it was ok, and Clarke only nodded._

_It was a few moments of silence, but quicker than Clarke expected before the woman was stepping back again, and her and her companion bowed before leaving. She turned her head to watch Lexa again, fully expecting her to be staring off into space, but found their eyes locked as soon as her head turned. She felt her heart give a loud thump in her chest, and she felt the breath she took in next in a shudder._

_Lexa stood then, extending a hand towards Clarke, a clear invitation and a subtle mirror of how Clarke had offered her hand when Lexa had knelt before her. Clarke took it without hesitation, as they heard drums, muffled from where they were, but probably deafening once they stepped outside. The crowd was wild, Clarke noted, and she wondered how many people were there, how many had turned up curious to see the two together, how many had turned up because it was a moment of reverence, a moment of history._

_Suddenly, the crowd hushed, and a loud voice, clearer than Clarke expected, filtered through the closed doors that would lead them to face Lexa's people._ Their _people. She started to hear Trigedasleng, formal and more archaic from what she was used to speaking and hearing. She looked towards Lexa who looked to back at her in reaction._

"Bosh keryon sad klin." _The Spirits have chosen._

_Clarke felt herself inhale deeply. Despite not believing in the religion of Lexa's people, Clarke couldn't help but feel the truth in the words that she heard. They were of different worlds. Lexa was leader of her people, commander of every one of the citizens of the twelve clans that were under her power, and Clarke was thrust into the same leader position once she was on the ground. She didn't believe in fate or destiny, but this, their meeting, their union, it was the closest to fate or destiny that she was ever going to encounter._

_"Clarke."_

"Bosh keryon sad klin laik emo sad oso Heda klin." _The Spirits have chosen as they have chosen our commander._

_Clarke squeezed Lexa's hand to let her know Clarke was listening, feeling the weight of what was just about to happen weighing on her shoulders. For peace, she thought, as the eerie quiet of the all the gathered people outside permeated the room where they were. The union would not only be hers and Lexa's. It would be their people's. And if she managed to convinced the people of Arkadia to stand down, to once again consider her as the ambassador for the Skaikru, they would be able to avoid going to war._

_Her thoughts were interrupted by Lexa. "I want you to know…"_

"Bilaik ha gyon Heda op kom jus kom Sadgeda-" _As how Heda has risen from the blood of the Conclave-_

_Clarke felt Lexa's hand tighten around hers at the mention of how the commander was chosen, but Lexa didn't let that deter her. "I want you to know that while my people believe this was predetermined…"_

"-den gyon Wanheda op kom jus kom maun." _-so has Wanheda risen from the blood of the mountain._

_It was Clarke's hand that tightened on Lexa's already white knuckles, then, but she refused to turn her attention from Lexa, even as her mind's eye shuttered to show disjointed images of the bodies she'd left behind in level five._

_Lexa tugged on her arm now, as if she knew where Clarke's mind was, forcing her out of it. Clarke let herself be tugged, head turning towards Lexa, blue eyes haunted by her past, and Clarke was met with green mirroring her own, and she knew,_ she knew _she that if there was ever anyone who was going to understand, who would welcome her, whose hands would always be warm and when other's hands would jerk away, Lexa… It was always going to be Lexa in the end._

_"That my heart has chosen, and it has chosen… not the legend of which my people fear."_

"Deyon, oso sin glong mentis op in-" _Today, we witness the union of minds-_

_"But the young woman of compassion that you have never failed to be."_

"-glong keryon op-" _-the union of spirits-_

_"The leader of your people, that they will always have, but will not always deserve."_

"-glong houd op." _-the union of worlds._

_"And the person whose heart I will forever wish was only mine, but will always be her people's."_

"Kru kom Polis! Ai shoun gon yu op, Heda en Wanheda." _People of Polis! I present to you, Heda and Wanheda!_

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Present_

"You would want us to believe that you care for the people of Arkadia when you haven't been here for months." Pike shook his head, scoffing as he broke their gaze. There was a time when he had respected Clarke. She was one of his best students, one of the ones who excelled and had a good head between her shoulders. But seeing her assimilated, almost completely immersed in grounder culture with how she was dressed made him distrust everything about her. He'd seen nothing but violence come from the inhabitants of earth when their part of the ark crashed. He had no business making deals with those who only wanted them dead.

"You've only just arrived, too, Pike." Clarke pulled herself up, stepping closer, testing the boundaries of where Pike's people would let her invade their space. Guns raising subtly toward her made her clench her jaw, but she pushed on. "How do you really know what we need?"

Admittedly, Clarke didn't know how Pike was as a leader, but she knew he was fiercely protective of his students in the Ark. He only led a small group of people while in space, but he had led with a firm hand. In fact, his people were known to have the least amount of people who were floated. Clarke didn't know if it was because they were as disciplined as was reported, or if he hid even their crimes from the eyes of the law on the Ark.

Pike raised his shoulders in a dismissive shrug. "I only know that we need change, that the moment we start trusting _them_ , all hell breaks loose."

"You can't blame all the grounders for something only one clan has done," Clarke urged, knowing the last vestiges of his trust, the meager amount that it was, had been wiped by the attack on the mountain. She felt herself stiffen slightly at the memory of the place, and she wondered when the events of the mountain would finally let her settle her mind.

"The commander should have had those people in check!"

Clarke didn't back down when Pike started to yell, already losing his cool. She knew he was also known for this, for acting rashly, for being part of one of the leftist groups in the Ark. But they and the council had an agreement, one that bystanders weren't privy to, and as long as both parties stuck to their end of the bargain, nothing happened to anyone. This was one of the open secrets on the Ark as to why his people were always the least floated.

It seemed his beliefs in a radical form of leadership, in overturning a government of democracy and taking the reins himself finally bore fruit on the ground. And Lexa's people was taking the brunt of the damage.

"You should have known better than to take over a place that had tormented these people for decades," Clarke calmly retorted. "The alliance-"

"The alliance the commander herself broke?"

"The alliance that would have been the key to stop any kind of war following the fall of the mountain." Clarke barely kept the crack from her voice as her hands fisted on her sides and she heard the safety of a few guns being released, ready to shoot her if they needed to. "You killed 300 innocent people in their sleep who were sent _to protect you_!"

"And what would it have taken to have those same people attack us instead of the other way around?" Pike shook his head again, lips forming a sneer. "You're in the wrong side of this war, Clarke. Why are you questioning-"

"There doesn't have to be a war at all!"

"You don't know anything about war." Clarke bristled at that, because she knew. She felt like it's all she's known since she arrived at the ground, but Pike wasn't done. "If you continue to oppose me, you'll find yourself fighting against those you grew up with, those who took care of you as you were growing up and… your own mother. You best start making the right decisions for yourself, or you're losing everyone."

_Not everyone._

Pike turned to go, his guards following suit. He was already a dozen paces away from Clarke when Clarke finally gathered enough courage to call him back again.

"Wait."

Pike turned, keeping his face neutral, but inwardly he thought he had Clarke. As much as Clarke wanted to keep believing in what she believed in, Pike knew family tipped the scales differently. He raised his eyebrows, letting her know that he was listening.

Clarke was quiet for a few seconds, unsure if what she was going to do was even going to work, but she'd done worse and she'd gotten away with it. She was just more wary now because if a war broke out, she stood to lose something whichever side won. And she didn't think she could handle anymore loss.

Just when Pike looked like he was done waiting, Clarke spoke up. "What if you make them choose?"

Pike's eyebrows furrowed. "Choose?"

"Our people."

Pike released a breath, showing his exasperation. "They're not _your_ people, Griffin."

"Let them decide that."

Pike's eyebrows lifted again in surprise. "You think after you left them for months they're going to listen to you?"

"Then you have nothing to lose if we let them choose."

Pike let loose a bark of a laugh. "This is a spectacle, if it's anything, Griffin. You _left_. You barely look like yourself anymore. Do you understand that?"

Clarke fought against the guilt rising inside her, the guilt that still ate up at her after leaving Arkadia to find herself again. She'd caused the death of a people and she needed the time to herself, time away from the people she had killed for. But whatever it was that she needed had never been the issue. She left and she didn't have authority here now. But she wasn't going to let this go without doing everything that she could. "I'm here now."

Pike looked to be trying not to roll his eyes at the teenager who was trying to negotiate with him. She was too young, too naïve to know what she was doing. "Griffin-"

"You're not a dictator, Pike. Give your people a choice if they want to engage in this war or not. If no one wants to come with me, then I'll leave peacefully and take the blockade with me."

"We are _one_ people," he bit out. "We can't be divided."

"So you'll force those who want to leave to stay?" Clarke challenged.

"For their own good!"

"For the good that _you_ decide. Like you decided to kill 300 warriors you didn't give a chance to fight back. How many believe in killing to get what _you_ want, Pike? How many are actually terrified of what you did so they keep silent?" When Pike didn't answer right away, Clarke continued. "If you use fear to control your people, how different are you _really_ from the savages that you claim the commander's people to be?"

Pike clenched his jaw, glaring at Clarke now, already losing the composure he had tried to keep throughout this whole ordeal. But Clarke had already struck a nerve, and he wasn't going to back down in front of the grounders behind Clarke or his people.

Making up his mind quickly, he faced Clarke fully again. "You have an hour to gather whoever you think will follow you. I doubt there would be anyone." He jerked his head to the side. "And you can't bring them in."

Clarke felt herself stiffen, but she already got herself a ticket in. She didn't want to risk losing it by not compromising this. She turned towards the guards Lexa had personally assigned for her. _"Ai soulou gyon au."_

Orion didn't move a muscle. _"Heda hedplei shil yu op."_ _Heda's command is to protect you._

_"Beja, Orion."_

_"Heda hedplei shil yu op,"_ was Orion's only reply, and he looked like he wasn't even looking at Clarke anymore, set in his decision to accompany Clarke into the grounds if need be.

"Your time has already started, Griffin," Pike called, already walking away with his guards.

Clarke grit her teeth. _"Ron ordo op zerg raun si ai sou nou gonot… wen bosh trikova longos."_ _Give the command to strike if I don't get out… when the shadows lengthen._ Clarke knew they didn't want to leave her, but if her capture led to a chance for the warriors to shed the blood they feel they are owed because of their fallen brethren, then they would listen to Clarke.

Clarke watched Orion hesitate, but Alec was already nodding. _"Sha, Hedatu."_

His brother was one of the warriors, Clarke noted. Alec would avenge his brother if a war broke out. Clarke was not going to let that happen.

With a last look at her two lead guards, she turned, heart already pounding as she was once again faced with Arkadia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More union flashbacks next chapter aaaaand... finally some CoL intro.


	7. The Calm Before the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa forces the clan leaders to see her way. Clarke tries to do the same with Pike. But Pike grasps at a leverage he didn't think he had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm dying. i'm procrastinating so I decided to actually finish this. Sorry for the long wait.
> 
> Also, I hope you appreciate the Trigedasleng. It takes me HOURS to translate. hahahahahahah

The difference wasn't visible. Perhaps if there was someone who knew her better. Perhaps if there was someone who took the time to study her in a more personal level rather than purposefully studying her to know her weaknesses. Perhaps if she had had someone who she poured her heart to, confided thoughts and ideas to, it would have been visible. As it was, there was no one. Or at least, now that Clarke has ridden off, there was no one anymore.

Lexa stood slightly more stiff, harder. While she had allowed her muscles reprieve when Clarke was there, she was now all tense limbs and stoic eyes. She directed those same eyes at the leaders of the coalition in front of her, leaders who were far too valuable to be sent as foot soldiers as part of the blockade. They had reconvened because nothing was happening, and Lexa was once again under the proverbial microscope, having been gone from the eyes of the public for a few days, save the one time she'd escaped Clarke's worried and watchful presence.

She stood now, tall and unwavering, despite the doubtful eyes on her and the throbbing on her middle that had yet to heal. It would take two to three weeks, Clarke had said, and she was still taking these little pills Clarke had given her, one of the medications Octavia and Abby were able to smuggle for her. Clarke explained that while she'd already been injected with medicine, she would have to take more of the pills for a week.

Lexa would have brushed Clarke off, but the blonde had gripped her wrists and Lexa had watched her eyes become glassy with tears, and she had looked at the commander as if Clarke was seeing a different version of her, a version who was decidedly paler, with her forest green eyes more dull, and with the corner of her lip tinged red with dark, dark blood. She heard Clarke's voice break as if she was in pain, unable to speak clearly when her throat was clogged with the fear of almost losing Lexa. Lexa had only nodded and promised she would finish the whole regimen, because in the three nights that Clarke had lain with Lexa after Lexa was shot, Clarke had woken up screaming her name.

 _"Don em loda sintaim."_ _It has been days._

Uzac of the _Yujledakru_ didn't need to remind Lexa. Clarke has had to stay for four extra days to care for Lexa, and the travel would have taken the better part of the day despite the departure before the sun was even up. There hasn't been any progress because with Pike as the chancellor, the _Skaikru_ has refused to negotiate with the people they had killed 300 warriors of. It was simply counterproductive to whatever goal they had that the _Kongeda_ could not figure out.

As it was, it left the group of leaders with nothing to do but sit in one of the highest floors of the commander's tower, and Lexa had felt the tension rise for every day that nothing was being done. Her order for a blockade had only appeased the leaders for a couple of days, and Lexa knew it was only because they were hoping for the _Skaikru_ to do something stupid and actually challenge the warriors in the periphery of their territory. But there has only been a standstill, from what Lexa could gather from her riders who arrive everyday to update her and the rest of what has been happening.

Lexa let her eyes pan over the stiffly seated leaders, her own muscles straining against the stress of the past few days. Clarke should have already reached Arkadia by then and while Lexa was worrying about the politics involved in the circumstances, she was also worrying about Clarke and how she was going to be dealing with a people who was clamoring for the very thing Lexa had tried so hard to end for the few years after her ascension.

With a deft raise of her chin, Lexa let her authority bleed into her voice as she spoke, aware that while she was bestowed with the authority from the legends of their society, the fact she was one of the youngest in the room grated on the nerves of the leaders she had forcibly united about two years prior. _"Klark kom Skaikru tamal memon kom Kongeda. Em kulo won laik kom oso." Clarke of the Sky People bears the symbol of the Coalition. She rides as one of us._

 _"Haukom yu wich Wanheda in?" Why do you trust Wanheda?_ Claudia of _Louwoda Kilron Kru_ asked, dubious, but not disrespectful, which was more than Lexa could hope from this group of people.

The same could not be said of Aeyi. _"Sha, Heda. Weron yu wich kom komba?" Yes, Heda. Where does your trust come from?_ She sat with the kind of nonchalance that bordered on disinterest, as if she already knew where their discussion would lead to and she was only waiting for everything to go south. _"Yu breik bidaunon chon baman gon yu natrona op au." You let someone who can retaliate for your betrayal go._

It was no use trying to convince them of why she trusted Clarke. While Lexa had shifted her mindset on how to deal with usurpers of her power, they were still stuck in their beliefs about revenge and retaliation. Lexa couldn't blame them. Even she was starting to doubt her decisions, especially if it meant so much of her people's blood would have to be shed. She'd betrayed Clarke for the very reason of preventing anymore lives of her people from being sacrificed on the soil of the mountain that still haunted their lives. And here she was again, risking the lives of her people. For peace.

The irony was not lost on her.

For all intents and purposes, there was no reason to trust Clarke. The ambassador of the _Skaikru_ could very well double cross her, side with her people when she arrived in Arkadia, lay waste to the blockade with the guns and the bombs of the people of the Sky. And while Lexa's heart was already too far gone--too deep into the affection of the blonde who had held Lexa in her arms as if Lexa was someone to be protected, when really she had been bred to protect--the commander, the more significant part of her, the part of her that held the lives of thousands of people, could not help but think that it would be in Clarke's best interest not to play the role of the representative of the coalition.

Still she didn't let any of her doubts show when she directed her steely gaze over to Aeyi, knowing the woman who was ten years her senior had kept her people alive only by playing her allies right. Her people, previously one of the neutral ones, were the first to side with the rebels when she saw that they had more warriors, but were also the first to surrender to Lexa's rule once Aeyi realized that it took more than numbers to win a war. It was a matter of choosing who could protect her people the best. As such, they were a fickle people, and Lexa knew the leader of the _Boudalankru_ would be part of the coalition gathering as much information as they could before they made a decision.

Lexa was able to steadfastly hold Aeyi's gaze because while logic dictated that Clarke would betray them, Lexa knew Clarke's heart. She knew that Clarke will find a way to save as many lives as she could. Clarke will find a way to save her people, and yet, not have to sacrifice others to do so. Lexa was confident that even without the union they were both forced to bear, Clarke would save as many people as she could just because it was the right thing to do. And while she was already known as _Wanheda_ , Lexa was aware that Clarke was anything but.

And the tiniest part of Lexa, a part of her that she had ripped from her consciousness just to keep herself sane after everything she has been through, a part of her that Clarke had managed to revive in the few days that she had let Lexa in once again, believed that Clarke would do everything in her power to make it possible for the two of them to have a future. And while Lexa's mind struggled to latch onto peace that was just on the horizon for her people, her heart grappled to hold on to that love.

 _"Ai wich Klark in." I trust Clarke._ Lexa's voice was firm, and it brooked no argument. She usually never got them because of her title, but ever since the changes in the enforcement of their laws, her subordinates have continued to question her, and she knew it wouldn’t be as easy to get away with short sentence answers anymore.

True enough, Roan was already speaking up. _"Yu drop wichnes of." You misplace your trust._

Lexa felt herself bristle, but outwardly, she only seemed to harden. Only the son of Nia would directly proclaim his doubt of her, while the others skirted around the issue. _"Oso beda mema in…" We should remember…_ Lexa stood from her antler throne so she could look down at the _Azgeda_ king as she spoke. _"…Chon yu fop oso gada gon sich in." …That it's your mistake that got us into this situation._

The room became deathly silent as the twelve leaders looked up at the youngest among them, but bore the most responsibility, the weight of the leadership of now thirteen clans. Lexa had been mostly calm, but now that she was being directly questioned, she had not qualms about unleashing her fury. These people in front of her were not the only ones who knew how to shift the tide of the conversation to their favor.

 _"Azgeda jomp emo kru op." The Azgeda attacked their people._ Lexa flexed her jaw as she stared the _Azgeda_ king down. _"Oso chek ogonzaun au gon blinka, wen yu kru sad flosh em klin." We were looking peace in the eye, when your people decided to destroy it._ Lexa stepped down slowly as she continued to speak. _"Ai fis_ yu _fop op." I am fixing_ your _mistake._

 _"Klark kom Skaikru pudon eno gon tona yo kom wor." Clarke of the Sky People put an end to years of war._ Lexa let her eyes pan over the leaders she had come to respect, while they had done everything in their power to discredit her the past few weeks. _"Der laik nou beda bandrona kom ogonzaun." There is no better ambassador for peace._

_"Heda-"_

Lexa turned dark, flat eyes towards the person who sounded like they were just about to contradict her, and catching Taro of the Delphi Clan's eyes. She raised a sculpted eyebrow, daring the balding man to speak against her. And he did.

 _"Em laik nou rein in kom-" She is not worthy of-_

_"Em gon op kom ai gon maunon." She fought with me against the mountain men._ Lexa slowly cocked her head in challenge, and the tension inside the room tripled, if that was even possible. No one in the room was in the front lines with her when her people had marched. Many had thought it a suicide mission, and had only sent their foot soldiers to aid Lexa. Not only had Lexa been able to save her people, but she had walked away unscathed, with the only casualty the strenuous truce with the _Skaikru_.

She seemed to grow even taller as she stared at Taro. _"Don yu?" Did you?_ She directed her last question to the room despite having her eyes locked to an already trembling Delphi leader, and she only waited until he broke eye contact to stare down at his hands on his lap before she turned and settled herself on her thrown, back still stiff but holding as much authority as the descendants of all the commanders as of late.

_"Em teik gon feva gon em teik." It takes as long as it takes._

* * *

_Flashback_

_"I thought you always slept in that fancy nightgown."_

_Lexa looked up from the large map she had spread out on her lap, reclined by a few pillows on her bed. Her hair was out of its usual braids, late as it was in the night, and she was supposed to be settling down for sleep. But she was worried about how the blockade was being handled, and she was restrategizing in her head. In case the _Skaikru_ decided to attack despite the overwhelming numbers of her army._

_It took her a moment to focus her eyes on Clarke, mind still stuck on the forests and the rivers she was staring at. The guns were deadlier, but they weren't the stealthiest of weapons. Firing guns always revealed the position of the shooter. Her warriors also knew the terrain better. As long as they could draw the enemy into the trees- Lexa only managed a hum as her eyes finally focused on Clarke, clad in one of the nightgowns available for the blonde in the wardrobe that her room was equipped with._

_By the time Lexa's mind was fully in the present, Clarke was already seated beside her on her right, on top of the covers of the bed. Clarke poked Lexa's side making the brunette jerk away, and in some other universe where they weren't thinking about an impending war, Clarke would have slid her fingers teasingly against Lexa's side to draw out laughter, turn the small upturn of Lexa's lips from the poke into a full-fledged smile. She would shifted to straddling the brunette, and taken the time to hike the tank top up the commander's torso, to expose muscles hardened by all the years in training. She would have basked in that moment, and revel at the fact that only she could be with Lexa that way. But they weren't in another universe, and all Clarke could do was file away the fact that Lexa was ticklish for a time that she wasn't even certain would ever really come._

_While Clarke was dressed with the flimsy material that was her nightgown, comfortable as it was against her skin, her own eyes ran over the tank top Lexa sported, and the tight shorts that was well above half Lexa's thigh, from what the blonde could see with the map in the way. "I thought the nightgowns come with being the commander."_

_Lexa hummed again in response, looking back down on the map. But Clarke had already caught Lexa's cheeks turning pink, and the blue eyes narrowed at her, well, wife of a few hours. "They aren't?" Clarke's voice was teasing._

_"They are not a custom, no."_

_"So…"_

_Lexa looked up, feigning innocence while she raised eyebrows. With a shake of her head as dismissal, Lexa looked back down on the map, pointing out the periphery of the forest around what would be the territory of Arkadia. "You will have to circle a bit tomorrow, and enter the territory through Luna's clan. I already do not trust the scouts of Arkadia, but I also do not fully trust certain clans not to hurt you. It is only too easy to pretend they are aiming for other _Skaikru_ , provoked or otherwise."_

_Clarke looked down at the map, recognizing only those places that she's had to pore over before the attack on Mount Weather. Lexa looked to have had already memorized it, but only needed the visual to be able to imagine the different scenarios that could happen better. She knew enough about the landscape to quickly learn, however, and she studied the parts like she studied those that were given to them as exercises on the ark. She was one of the favored students, and it wasn't because she had a parent in the council._

_"They wouldn't dare. We're in the brink of war. They wouldn't want to wage it against two fronts." Clarke shook her head emphatically as she spoke, brows furrowed as her own mind thought up permutations of how things would go. The clans wouldn't want to fight both the_ Skaikru _and Lexa's army at the same time. It would just be careless. Or completely overconfident._

_Lexa nodded with a smile, pleased that Clarke could understand war tactics, even without all the lessons Lexa had gone through. But she spoke to the contrary. "Yes, but the armies of the clans do not necessarily follow the ideologies of their leaders." Lexa tilted her head. "Do your… friends agree with all the decisions that you make for them, Clarke?"_

_Clarke swallowed because the question drilled too close to home. She raised her eyebrows in a show of nonchalance that Lexa didn't exactly buy as she replied. "We were known as delinquents, Lexa. We aren't exactly the best example of law-abiding citizens."_

_Lexa smiled at her, raising her left hand to run the back of her fingers against Clarke's cheek, before extending them so she could trace the periphery of the healing wound on Clarke's temple with her thumb before settling lightly on Clarke's cheek._

_Lexa's touch was reverent, as if she was afraid that pressing too hard would break Clarke. Clarke wondered how it was that Lexa was the one who trusted her the most, and yet, was also the one most careful with her._

_"Blind adherence to written law does not make a good person, Clarke." The smile that lifted the corners of Lexa's lips was genuine, but tinged with a finality that had Clarke's heart rate hastening. "The… paradigm of society shifts, and so shall the law to accommodate these changes. It always requires sacrifices. It just so happens that before society adjusts, before the laws are rescinded, it will have to continue exacting justice against whom these same laws have been written, regardless of circumstance."_

_"That's a very roundabout way of saying people get killed for valuing different things," Clarke muttered, settling herself beside Lexa, not entirely happy with where their conversation was going. It wasn't what she had in mind, not for what was essentially her wedding night. Not that she had much mental space to actually think about it when she'd had gone through the union more for her people than herself._

_Lexa's smile widened a little before she retracted her hand from Clarke's cheek, her smile slipping slowly from her lips. She looked at the map again as she felt Clarke's hands gather the one that had been on Clarke's cheek, while Lexa's other hand traced the borders of the blockade on the map with steady fingers, belying the conflict of emotions in her heart as she did. "We might very well need to die before the new law,_ jus nou drein jus daun _, comes into full effect, Clarke." Lexa's voice was quiet, and Clarke heard what Lexa wasn’t saying._

_Lexa didn’t fear death. Part of being commander was understanding that the body was simply a vessel for her people, and Clarke was aware that Lexa had had have this belief inculcated into her. Death was not the end for the commander, so it was not a matter of consequence. Lexa very likely had already made peace with the perils inherent of the position, and that included the enemies inside and outside of her reign._

_But Clarke knew that this wasn't what was on Lexa's mind when she spoke. In a stark contrast to how Clarke had lived the past few months on the ground, fearing for her life and doing what she could to keep her heart and the heart of others beating, Lexa had learned to live treating her life as inconsequential. Should Lexa die, the coalition and the spirit of the commander will continue to live, and so her death will not be a great loss. While Clarke valued her life as an individual, Lexa valued hers as that of a chain of expendable containers for a sould that would forever be of service to her people. She was_ Heda _. And her life was not her own to lose._

_But now, with Clarke's warm hands cupping one of hers, Clarke knows that Lexa is conflicted. That for once in so many years, Lexa once again fears losing her life, and it is not for her people's sake but for one person only. Her people will always have their commander. But Clarke… Clarke will now always have Lexa._

_"I thought we've established that we would be talking about something other than death, Lex," Clarke tried to joke, giving Lexa's hand a firm squeeze before pulling away to gather the map and fold it up to be placed on the bedside table. "We really should work on your small talk skills. Or pillowtalk," Clarke murmured as an afterthought, brows furrowing slightly. Not that she was any better at that, having had little experience. She'd been with one girl and one guy on the Ark, and then Finn._

_"Pillowtalk?"_

_Clarke makes a sound of agreement before looking up like she'd just had an idea. "Oh. I was just asking about the nightgown thing."_

_Lexa has no map to divert her gaze to anymore and Clarke almost smirks when Lexa's ears actually start coloring. "I have already mentioned that it is not a custom to wear them."_

_"Hmm. I was wondering. Because I figured the commander should be in sleep clothes that could easily slip through armor if need be. You know, in case there was an emergency." Clarke tried hard not to have her lips twitching. She was going to seize this moment for the two of them. She was riding back to Arkadia the next day, but this short, short moment with Lexa, she was going to enjoy._

_Lexa cleared her throat before she spoke, wondering why all the training to keep her emotions well and truly buried weren't working on Clarke. A little over half a decade of being_ Heda _and it only takes a person from the sky to unravel her. "This is true," was her only response._

_"Huh." Clarke wiggled closer to Lexa if only because she wouldn't be able to anymore after tonight. "So that nightgown you wore the other day…" One of her hands settled on Lexa's thigh, where skin stopped and the material of Lexa's shorts began._

_Lexa visibly swallowed, now trying very hard to keep eye contact. "I am at liberty to choose what to wear to bed, Clarke."_

_Clarke almost grinned, but she kept her face neutral. "So it was a complete coincidence when you wore that so late at night after your fight with Roan, incidentally on the night you'd visit me in my chambers."_

_Lexa didn't even hesitate, the lie slipping easily through her teeth. "Yes."_

_Clarke nodded slowly. "Too bad," she baited, sliding down she was on her back now, getting ready to go to sleep._

_"I beg your pardon?" Lexa looked unsettled now, as if this wasn’t how she thought the conversation would go. She didn't think they'd be talking about nightgowns, to be honest. There were more pressing matters to discuss. If they could go back to talking about politics, that would be swell, Lexa thought._

_Clarke shrugged as she settled slightly on her side, head resting on her hand, but she was still looking up at Lexa. "I'd hoped you did. Wear it for me, I mean."_

_Lexa blinked. "Oh. Well, I…" She couldn't very well say that she did twelve seconds after saying she didn't. Her mind had shifted to strategizing how best to retract her statement without overtly admitting that she had lied, but then she caught Clarke's grin who had stopped trying to suppress her mirth at the situation. Lexa narrowed her eyes. "Clarke."_

_"You what, Lexa?" Clarke teased, and she let out a soft laugh when Lexa scowled at her._

_Lexa didn’t dignify that with an answer anymore. She merely slid down, too, so she was level with Clarke, and tucked herself against the blonde's side, not anymore looking at blue eyes, with her body curled slightly so Clarke could easily wrap her arms around the young commander. Lexa felt more than saw how Clarke shifted from teasing to being tender, shifting Lexa slowly as to prevent from causing the brunette any pain so she was facing the other way, back pressed against the swell of Clarke's breasts._

_Lexa tentatively reached for Clarke's hand, and Clarke obliged, sliding her fingers between Lexa's, with Lexa's palm pressed against the back of Clarke's hand, before bringing their joined hands over Lexa's chest. To feel the beat of Lexa's heart._

_They both released quiet sighs of contentment, eliminating any residual space between them as they snuggled closer. They clung while they still could._

_A couple of hours later Lexa would wake to a thrashing Clarke, and they would have to switch places, Lexa sucking in a breath to ignore the pain on her middle as she would settle Clarke on her chest so the blonde can hear her heart beat. It was the only way for Clarke to settle after another recount of the shooting in her nightmares. Lexa worried how Clarke would deal away from her. Clarke worried for Lexa's life, surrounded by people who could very well order her death at any moment._

_Much later, Lexa would awaken to Clarke's lips, and her body opening, unraveling under Clarke's. It would be the last time they will join before Clarke had to leave._

_They both climaxed with wet cheeks, and pained hearts, hands placed lightly on each other's inked skin. The symbol of their union, of the joining of their peoples. But they both only see each other under the light of the candles lit around the room._

_Lexa stayed at her room when Clarke and her cavalry finally leave Polis, with only Clarke's murmured goodbye on her lips, and a promise they both hoped for, but knew could very well never be._

_End Flashback_

* * *

It looked very much like an old world ritual. Clarke looked on with her mother as Jaha slid a flat chip into the last of the people who had filed in front of him, before shifting his gaze somewhere to the side then letting it pan until his eyes met Clarke's. Then he smiled.

Clarke had brisk walked the moment she stepped foot into Arkadia, already feeling the time running. She was sure Pike wasn't going to give her any kind of extension. She was only too thankful that her mother was already outside, no doubt informed that Pike was meeting Clarke for some kind of negotiation. Clarke didn't spare any time trying to explain everything.

"He gave me an hour to gather everyone who wants to leave."

Abby's face fell. "We can't pick out people, Clarke. We need to try and keep us together. The grounders-"

"Aren't attacking because Lexa made sure of it. She's already lost 300 warriors she'd sent to protect Arkadia, and the village closest here was also attacked. Mom, the only reason they aren't retaliating is because Lexa's as desperate for peace as we are." Clarke tried to convey the urgency of the situation to her mother, but she was well aware that Abby wasn't the one she needed to convince.

Abby shook her head. "Then what do you plan to do?"

"Get as many people to safety as I can. Not everyone believes in Pike, right? I know there are families who have started to warm up to the g- the grounders." It felt out of place to say the name they've dubbed Lexa's people with after reaching the ground. It sounded foreign on her tongue, but Clarke felt she needed to distinguish herself from them if she wanted Abby to not argue, at least until they have secured their people.

It only took Abby speaking to groups of people who have faded into the background ever since Pike took control, and she let the word spread of the possible small exodus out of Arkadia as she stood with Clarke, who was looking around the place as if she couldn’t recognize it anymore. And she couldn't, Clarke admitted to herself, as her eyes settled on the large metal contraption that was the former Ark. Clarke realized that somewhere along the way, the place she had left months ago had stopped being her home.

After speaking to at least three more groups of people who had immediately bustled, afraid of the army outside of Arkadia that Pike's attack on a village had incited, Clarke and Abby now stood by a small gathering of people who seemed not to feel the urgency that had befallen Arkadia for days now. Clarke barely suppressed the shudder of discomfort when Jaha's eyes settled on hers.

"What is this, mom?" Clarke's frown of confusion only deepened when she recognized Raven among the crowd, and her mother's hand on her forearm stopped her form advancing.

Abby watched the crowd, too, but released a breath, knowing there was no time to explain whatever drug was going around and making everyone who took it completely free of their anxiety and worries. "I don't know either, Clarke. I just know it's seems to be a drug that affects the nervous system directly. I haven't been able to conduct any further tests with everything that's been going on."

Abby shook her head. "Did you ask about prisoners? There are still grounders in Lockup, and you need to get them out. Pike might use them as leverage."

"I will, I just-" Clarke backtracked. "Wait. You're not coming? Mom-"

"I can't leave the rest of these people here, Clarke. I didn't agree to become chancellor before to choose to protect only a few." Abby looked out at the gathering crowd in front of them, knowing Clarke's time inside Arkadia was running out. "But I would also feel more settled if those who feel terrorized by Pike are under your care instead of his."

"I'm not leaving you here, mom! There could very well be a war-"

"There will be if the few of us left here don’t try and convince Pike that he's wrong."

"He's beyond convincing! He _just_ proclaimed that he would have no problem attacking the warriors that make up the blockade. It's going to be a bloodbath."

Abby seemed to shift in her stance. "The blockade was unnecessary." She looked out to the people gathering, the children being the ones who were settled first, as were the priority of the parents. "Pike is desperate. This move is forcing his hand-"

"The blockade is the only reason the armies of the twelve clans aren't raining arrows into Arkadia after what Pike pulled. We don't have time for this!" Clarke was against the blockade, too, but the necessity wasn't lost on Clarke because she knew how politics was going inside the Conclave. If Lexa didn't impose it, the other clans would have taken matters into their own hands.

"Clarke."

Clarke twisted around at the call of her name, and she was met by a smiling Jaha. She felt herself frown at the former chancellor, void of the usual air of authority that he used to always have around him at the Ark. She didn't know what kind of drug he was on, or what the implications of having been drugged was, but she didn't have time to be worrying about two things at once. She was surprised she even got as far as convincing Pike to at least take some of her people to safety.

"Not now, Thelonius," Abby spoke impatiently, knowing Clarke had about fifteen minutes left and Abby knew if they didn't leave in that amount of time, Pike would keep Clarke there. And Clarke already told Abby what the younger Griffin had told one of her guards as precaution.

"Be healed, Abby." Clarke barely suppressed a look of confusion before Jaha was looking towards her again. "Another Exodus, I see."

"Pike has rejected the offer to become the thirteenth clan. We were at the brink of keeping peace." Clarke didn't want to have to go into it anymore. She was done trying to explain where there was so little time left. "Listen, mom-"

"This actually feels more like the situation of the thirteenth station. An Exodus to their deaths."

"Except, according to Murphy, Polaris actually started the civilization here."

Clarke had spoken in a mutter, clearly just being facetious, and all she got from her mother was a confused look. Jaha, however, had eyes had had flickered somewhere behind Clarke, as if he was looking at something behind the younger blonde. Clarke would have looked if she cared.

Clarke was already walking away, trying to figure out a way to include her mother even if she had to force the older woman out, when Jaha spoke again. "May we go with you?"

Clarke turned with raised eyebrows to meet Jaha's falsely serene eyes, shifting towards her mother's confusedly blinking ones, then back. "I- Yeah." She motioned towards the gates. "We're moving now."

The mass of people moved quickly, and despite the numbers, Clarke was aware it was only about at most a quarter of everyone. She had hoped that her arriving would have given those who were afraid of Pike enough courage to make the decision to leave, seeing a person who was willing to stand up to the incumbent chancellor. But Clarke figured they were just as terrified of the warriors outside as they were of Pike. And when someone was terrified of two different sets of ideologies, it always seemed smarter to side with the one with the guns.

She eyed the gathered crowd before looking towards Pike who stood with clenched fists at his side, obviously not expecting so many people to walk with Clarke outside of his territory. Clarke could only hope that Pike didn't change his mind now. But Clarke still had to appeal for a few more. "The prisoners. I want them."

Pike turned his hard eyes on her. "They are for Arkadia to punish."

"They're _my_ people," Clarke countered. "Release them."

"Your people?" Pike scoffed.

"You have no reason to keep them here." Clarke stepped forward, not letting Pike intimidate her. She was done playing the diplomatic act. She was very close to getting at least some of the Sky people to safety. It would have to do until more peace talks could be arranged. Hopefully, before the patience of the coalition clans ran out.

"On the contrary, I think keeping them here may just stave off the attack from that large army outside." Pike turned towards the gate of Arkadia but looked far beyond that, to the wall of warriors. Arkadia was running out of supplies. The longer the blockade kept them form venturing into more fertile land, the more likely his people would starve.

Clarke a glare at Pike, before motioning for the people behind her to move forward, just waiting for the gates to finally let them through. "If you think the coalition will care that six… eight of their people are inside, you're wrong. Their deaths will be honored if you force the hand of the commander."

Pike lifted a hand to signal for the gates to be opened. "You know, it's funny, Clarke, how you're suddenly so invested in the plans of the coalition."

"I'm invested in keeping peace. I'm convinced that it's possible to coexist with the _Trikru_ without having to pillage their villages." The people Clarke had gathered started to walk out and towards the gate, and Clarke's eyes only flickered momentarily towards them. "Trade could have already started with the Capitol. You wouldn't have to worry about resources anymore. If you'd just-"

"I'll make you a deal, then."

Clarke found herself pursing her lips, wary of committing into a deal with someone whose goals were so clearly different from hers. The truce between Lexa and her before had been more trustworthy, having had a common enemy. Clarke just hadn't taken into account certain externalities that had come about. But this, a deal with Pike, could very well put her at a disadvantage.

"I'll release everyone willing to leave the safety of Arkadia." Pike lifted his hands, palms up. "In exchange for you to stay."

Clarke immediately frowned. "Me? What could you possibly gain from keeping me here?"

Pike nodded to someone behind her, and one of the guards started for the general direction of the Lockup. "A little grounder friend here let slip what those marks on your face mean, Clarke Griffin."

Clarke did all she could to keep any kind of reaction from appearing on her face, but her eyes strayed from Pike's to look behind him, and she caught sight of an Octavia, hands bound behind her. She couldn't blame the younger girl. Clarke was surprised she even knew as much about the culture. At this point, Clarke was only really worried that Octavia had gotten caught. That couldn’t mean well for the entrances that they could have used to smuggle a handful of people still in and out of the compound.

Clarke felt herself tense as her eyes settled back on Pike's dark, dark ones, because she already knew what she was going to do. "I don't think you fully understand exactly what they mean, if you plan to keep me here."

The corner of Pike's lips lifted in a smirk. "Oh?" He nodded at someone behind Clarke and the prisoners were led out, the ones who had been delivered to Abby for treatment just a few days ago. If Abby didn't mention them, Clarke wouldn't have even known to bargain for their release. "It's you or them, Clarke."

Clarke felt the tension in her rise, and it wasn't for fear of her safety. Lexa had very specific instruction about Clarke's protection, and if those gates started to close while Clarke was still inside, she didn't know what the mass of warriors would do. She was only certain that it was going to be hell. "This was not our deal."

Pike's men led the last of the people outside of Arkadia, the weakest of them, the woman who he assumed was suffering from some kind of an infection of the blood when he had ordered for them to be put into Lockup, wavered on her feet, only just keeping upright from Lincoln's hold on her. He kept his eyes on the woman, but Clarke could see his gaze shifting to his periphery towards her. Towards the new ink on her skin.

"I just want an audience with the commander," Pike drawled, completely aware that a commotion was starting to take place from the wall of warriors in the distance as the gate started to close with Clarke still inside. He didn't care, though. "She'll come for her bonded, right?"

Clarke's eyes hadn't been on Pike the entire time he spoke. She instead looked at everyone she was able to get out before things escalated. Her eyes scanned the crowd, checking if everyone she'd seen earlier was already there, and her eyes settled on the weak woman Lincoln was supporting. And the woman stared right back at her.

Despite the commotion, Clarke heard the title that was only really a thing of legends because it has only ever been given to one other person. She heard the title that slid from the woman's lips as she stared with wide, shocked eyes at the blonde who was now known as _Wanheda_. Clarke recognized the fear. And the knee-jerk reaction to breakaway from Lincoln's hold to press her knees and her palms to the ground. Pike had also turned at the sudden call for the young woman he was speaking to, and he looked confused.

Because the call didn't sound at all like something someone just carelessly intoned.

It sounded _reverent_.

_"Hedatu!"_

Then Pike had to stagger back as an arrow imbedded itself just a foot in front of him, the aim very, very clear.

All hell broke lose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to anyone who has any idea about war tactics, help me out haha. i feel like i'm floundering


	8. The Art of War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chaos in Arkadia and Lexa's sole condition for the continuation of the Sky People's existence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the purposes of making it easier for me, the conversation between the clan leaders will be written in English (it takes me hours to translate, guys, I'm really sorry), but they're actually speaking in Trigedasleng.

The last thing Ramil did before this mission was slip a necklace he had been given by his father around his son's neck.

_"Don yu mema ai tel op in?" Do you remember what I told you?_

_"Shil nomon op. Otaim." Protect mom. Always._

He had placed his hand on top of his son's head before getting up to place the same hand on his wife's cheek, promising, as always, to do everything in his power to come back to her. She had gotten better, now able to smile at him, but a single tear still rolled down her cheek.

He'd joked about her always crying whenever he leaves.

She'd joked about how he couldn't possibly be expecting her to be laughing at a time like this.

He'd left her with a kiss on her lips and final parting kiss on her forehead. Just like he always did.

He stood now in unfamiliar clothing, a spit-dart inside the sleeve of his shirt, several darts tucked on his belt as he waited for the signal. He looked toward his left where several others had serious expressions on their faces, heads completely at the task at hand.

His son would celebrate entering manhood, twelve years, in a fortnight.

He would have to make it back.

* * *

It was too fast. Too close.

It took Pike several seconds to react to the arrow that had only missed him by a foot. He scrambled up when he finally did, immediately looking towards the army outside, the warriors still faceless because of how far away they were from Arkadia. He bared his teeth as his eyes landed on the group of people he had just released. An order was on the tip of his tongue when he heard the scream.

His eyes snapped towards the voice, following the civilian's gaze until it settled on a fallen guard. He frantically looked around him to find that in the time he had been frozen, seven of his guards were already incapacitated. When his eyes settled back on Clarke, her hard, steady gaze stared back at him.

"You can't win against the coalition, Pike. And I'm not letting you march _my_ people to their deaths."

Pike's reaction was to unholster his gun, immediately aiming for Clarke's head. Bringing the younger Griffin into his land was a fatal mistake. But it was the last and only one he would make.

* * *

"The strike team should have been sent long ago," Taro spoke in his low baritone voice, speaking for his people, the Delphi Clan. He was one of the most cautious about the Sky people. The intention had been clear when the attack on one of the closest villages to Arkadia was made. Arkadia was trying to expand its territory, and the Delphi Clan was only South of what was supposed to be the newest member of the coalition. It was one of the richest clans, able to be completely independent if need by because of their rich resources from both the land and the sea. Taro was aware of the current Sky People leader's greed and he didn't want to take any chances.

Lexa kept silent, knowing only the bloodlust of her people was fueling this clan leader's hostility. It was the bloodlust they had all depended on during war, and Lexa was having a hard time weaning her people of now that they were striving for peace. She kept her hand relaxed despite the need to close it into a fist, as tense as she was at having agreed to Clarke leaving without her.

This was the first time they were attempting to decrease the casualties of the enemy. But it was also the first time they were sure that there were people inside Arkadia who didn't want the war. Her eyes flickered towards Luna, who she had seen move her hand annoyedly at Taro.

"No one had thought to send a strike team but _Heda_. You could have conceived that idea in the few days that she had taken to heal, but you did not," Luna jibed, having already lost her patience at the squabbling.

"You dare insinuate that I am incompetent?" Taro hissed, slowly standing from his chair.

"We should not even be sending a strike team," Uzac from Broad Leaf Clan rasped, voice rough from years of smoking. "They have killed three hundred defenseless warriors. Meant to _protect_ them. We should be annihilating them."

Luna shook her head. "It took six of their men with guns to kill three hundred. How many warriors will we lose before we take out all of them?"

"Sending a specialized strike team is the best course of action," Gaara of the Desert Clan agreed.

Lexa let them argue, knowing most of it was just air. They were all worried, and some of them dealt with it by voicing it out. It rarely ever turned physical. She was just glad Nia wasn't one of them anymore, which meant the most antagonizing voice that always opposed Lexa was now silent. King Roan now sat where the queen had once languished. He was quiet, predictably so. The previous leader of the Ice Nation had been arrogant. He was trying to keep his people out of everyone's radar for now.

Keeping half an ear out for the discussion still currently taking place, Lexa revisited the plan in her head. Clarke had been the first person she'd laid out her thoughts to, and Clarke had modified the plan where she could with her knowledge of Arkadia. There had been a lot of ifs, the most prominent of which was the walls around Arkadia, live with electricity.

At that moment, Lexa wished they had the technology to know what was going on at Arkadia.

* * *

A thud behind him had Pike pivoting where he stood, gun pointing towards where he heard the sound and saw Bellamy sprawled on the ground, a short and thin piece of wood protruding from his neck. His lips pursed in realization as his eyes darted toward the crowd, figuring out that whoever was attacking was probably inside.

With a sharp exhale he faced Clarke again. "What did you do?"

Clarke stood as if she wasn't surrounded by people who didn't want her there. Her eyes flickered behind Pike, probably on Bellamy, and Pike released the safety of the gun. "You would attack your own?"

"You've provoked an army you can't defeat. You started a war you can't win." Clarke shook her head. "This was the only way."

* * *

_"Raven. Monty. I can ask them to disable the fences."_

_Lexa nodded as her plan fell into place looking back down unto the board that held a rough sketch of Arkadia, courtesy of Clarke. They weren't sure how accurate it would be three months from when Clarke had left, but it was something they would have to take a chance on._

_"Pike will make certain you do not do anything questionable. He will be anxious. As long as you are inside Arkadia, you will hold his complete attention." Lexa clenched her jaw for a few seconds, still wary of a plan that included Clarke entering the territory of the enemy. But there was no other way. They needed someone on the inside, and it was only Clarke who could draw enough attention to herself through both fear and apprehension. Sending Clarke would be a political anomaly for the Sky people. Clarke would enter with the intention to go against their leader, but she could not be executed as a traitor because she was the daughter of the former chancellor. She was also the former leader of the minors they had sent to the ground to their deaths, the only reason they were even alive after the events of Mount Weather._

_In a way, Clarke stood for survival. Her death might cause an unrest. It would be smarter for Pike to keep her alive than to kill her._

_"Infiltrate and incapacitate," Itachi of the Glowing Forest, one of their best strategists, murmured. "You plan to use the same tactic you used against me during the clan wars."_

_"It's risky," Clarke interjected._

_It wasn't just risky. Barring Clarke, it was a suicide mission for the people she would be sending inside, Lexa corrected in her head. While Clarke gathered the people's attention after gaining access, she would have to talk to either of her contacts discretely, Raven or Monty, to disable the wall. It would only need to be down for the amount of time it would take to let a few of Lexa's best assassins in. Assassins who would be_

_The assassins would have only one job: incapacitate the guards. If they saw anyone with a gun, they would have to be taken out. Dressed in clothes of the Sky People, they would have to blend in the crowd, keep constantly moving to not be recognized. Seven of the fifteen Lexa will send will divide themselves into the different facilities, with the Ark getting three. The rest would be within the crowd to take out those stationed outside, those guarding Pike, and the guards stationed at the gates. The bustle of the people preparing to leave would cover their entrance. The high tensions would keep everyone eyes on Pike and Clarke. They would only have a few minutes._

_Lexa had already listed uncertainties, externalities. Pike might not let the people Clarke gathered go. Pike might use them as hostages. Clarke might not be able to talk to the people to leave with her. A lot could go wrong._

_She also knew there were a few things she needed to anticipate. One of them was the certainty of death for some of the members of the strike team. Victory stands on the back of sacrifice, she will later tell her warriors. And they will bow their heads, thankful for the privilege to serve their_ Heda.

 _Another was Pike being Arkadia's one wild card. Lexa had already failed to anticipate a leader rising not even from the ranks of the officials introduced to her months prior. From what Clarke had told her, Pike was never a guard, therefore he was new to leading people, let alone leading his people to war. Lexa was prepared for him to lose his wits when desperate situations arise, and Lexa's plan was sure to put the_ Skaikru _into a seemingly hopeless situation._

_Third, whoever decided to help them, Monty or Raven as Lexa remembered Clarke mentioning, would be in trouble after, and Lexa had already found a way for her people to be able to easily identify them._

_Finally, the people who supported Pike will retaliate, even the civilians. Lexa had warned Clarke that should extreme circumstances arise, deaths may not be avoidable._

_But out of all the orders Lexa gave, she had emphasized the necessity of a few things that needed to go right for things to turn into their favor:_

_Clarke must be able to gain access to the territory._

_Contact with either Raven and Monty must be established._

_Lexa's assassins must make it inside to disable the attacking and defensive abilities of Arkadia by taking out the guards._

_The assassins were only to incapacitate the guards and not kill them._

_And Lexa had one non-negotiable._

* * *

"You shouldn't have done this, Clarke Griffin," Pike growled, just about to shoot the gun.

Clarke was about to call for everyone to get down, aware that if she simply moved out of the line of fire, someone behind her would get shot. But then a dagger lodged itself on Pike's hand. He still accidentally pulled the trigger, and Clarke cried out as she felt a sharp pain through her shoulder. She felt someone brace her from behind and saw her mother.

"Mom-"

Whatever she was about to say was interrupted by gunshots.

* * *

It had been going as smoothly as plans could go. Ramil loaded his spit-dart for the fourth time. There were only two left who had guns. As planned, he had taken out the ones on the wall to eliminate their eyes. He'd already seen the _strika_ from what their _Hedatu_ had called as Engineering Building and the Medical Bay. Exit those places, successfully nullifying them. There will be no more guards coming out of them for backup.

As predicted by their _Heda_ , the unrest caused by collapsing guards would make it easier to move around undetected. Now there were only two left that they had to take out. Ramil had seen only two of his four fellow warriors who had entered the Ark come out.

So far, only two of them has had his fight ended.

He was already aiming for one of the two still standing, when several shots fired from somewhere he didn't expect. Civilian picking up a gun, _Heda_ had warned. There would be a few desperate enough to take them out, stupid enough to risk hitting their own. It was a risk they all were aware of.

The dart he'd released missed the target, and he stumbled on his feet, the explosion of pain on his side overwhelming his senses, before he grit his teeth to keep himself upright. His eyes, dark with focus shifted to catch the eyes of a boy, no older than his son, look at him with fear, a pistol between shaking hands. Ramil pressed a hand to his side, feeling his fingers immediately get soaked.

 _Gon Heda,_ he thought. _For Heda_. Reloading his spit-dart again, he aimed and successfully hit the boy and watched him fall as the tranquilizer in Ramil's dart took effect immediately. Just as the gun slid from slack fingertips, Ramil felt all the strength in his limbs give out. He immediately took note that he was losing blood too fast, and surmised that the shot to his right side probably hit his liver. The last images in his mind were of his family, but his last thought was of the commander of the twelve clans, leading their people into peace.

_Gon Heda,_ he thought again. _Ai gonplei ste odon._

* * *

_"I will eventually lose these warriors, Clarke, one way or another. At least this way, I can let them choose their fate." ___

Clarke had protested at sending a specialized group to infiltrate Arkadia with the knowledge that they will be dying. Lexa had reassured Clarke that they would only be using tranquilizers, render the targets unconscious to incapacitate _Skaikru_ defensive and offensive forces. But Clarke was sure that the guards of Arkadia will not extend the same level of concern for their lives as Lexa was doing. Lexa also knew this.

Lexa's eyes had turned dull, her voice mechanical while she spoke of the plan, of sacrificing the few to save those who were unwillingly under Pike's rule. Lexa had methodically chosen who could be included, and had personally asked each of them if they were willing to join the strike team. But of course, faced with the _Heda_ , none of them had refused.

Clarke felt her heart seize then as she heard the gunshots, eyes widening in terror as she watched a child start firing, unknowing, and fearful of what was happening around him. She saw both a sky person and Ramil fall from the flying bullets, before the boy collapsed from one of Lexa's strikers' darts.

She moved to run towards the injured, pushing back Lexa's admonition once about her need to save everyone, but Pike had recovered already, pushing himself up to point his gun at Clarke again, left hand not as steady as his right had been.

"Let me help them!" Clarke almost pleaded, eyes still on the fallen, her mother having already tied a piece of cloth around her own injured shoulder.

Pike's eyes were wild. He was quickly losing control of the situation as another gun started firing from the direction of the Ark. "You're killing your own-"

"They're only unconscious!" Drawn by another set of gunshots, Clarke turned sideward, watching in horror as a woman held a gun much bigger than what Clarke had seen the child hold, and start firing blindly in front of her. "Do you see what these people have become under your rule? _You're_ the only ones killing here, Pike!"

Pike shook his head, gun shaking in his hand. "They've killed _dozens_ of us!"

"They offered us peace!"

"You would have my people be ruled by your ruthless tyrant?!" Already realizing the futility of his position, Pike did the only thing he could do to protect himself at that moment. He pulled Clarke Griffin towards him and spun her so his arm was around neck and pressed the barrel of the gun against her temple. "Stop!" He screamed over the third set of gunshots since the chaos had began. "Stop or I kill her!"

It only took a few seconds for attention to be drawn back to Pike, muscles tense as he kept Clarke captive. He watched his people look at him with fear in their own eyes, watched a couple of the ones who infiltrated his camp appear then disappear into the crowds again. "Show yourselves!"

Clarke could see the veins on Pike's arm from the tension in his whole body. This was one of the possibilities Lexa had mentioned. Pike could go on a rampage. He was supposed to be disarmed early, but not completely rendered unconscious. Lexa had explained that if he was taken out too early, the people might rebel, thinking him a martyr for standing up to them. But if he was taken out last, after negotiations, after Lexa knew guards of Arkadia and mere civilians would have already taken out some of her assassins, the people might think twice. They might start to think that _they_ were the ones in the wrong. That stubbornly holding it out when the perceived enemy showed more conscientiousness by keeping them alive while they thoughtlessly killed wasn't the best course of action. Instead of appearing passionate to save his people, Pike would appear stubborn and reckless. And the people of Arkadia, too quick to put faith in him, will feel that same faith immediately extinguish when they realize that Pike was leading them wrong after all.

Clarke could see the people of Arkadia look at Pike with fear and trepidation now, and knew that Lexa had played this right. She only hoped that Pike wouldn't do anything stupid. Like try to kill Clarke after finding out that Clarke was valuable to the commander.

Because Lexa, Clarke recalled, had only demanded one non-negotiable.

* * *

"If this fails-"

"It will not." Lexa was not entertaining the possibility of things turning for the worst. The thought that she had allowed for Clarke to stand in as the main negotiator, effectively filling the role of the bait, had already put her mind in a state of unrest. She had lost someone already because of the same reason, because she had sent Costia out with the other riders into _Azgeda_ land. Lexa had known the risk for her warriors. She had not anticipated that the Ice Queen had known that Costia was her lover.

Roan, casually leaning back against his chair, sat up then. "But you still gave the order."

"I am prepared for all eventualities, Roan _kom Azgeda_ ," Lexa flatly responded, her hands relaxed on the arms of the chair at the head of the table they occupied. They were nearing the end of the meeting, only discussing post-battle decisions after the encounter in Arkadia. And she was anything but relaxed.

Roan raised his eyebrows in a show of lack of concern, before he rose and the rest of the ambassadors stood with him. "Then I think we have exhausted all excuses to take up your time, _Heda_. We won't keep you any longer."

It took her a few seconds, before she inclined her head, stood and waited until the last of them had exited before she sat back down. The map Clarke had drawn was on the table, now with several small wooden markers to represent groups of warriors, both friend and foe. She stared at the piece she had made for Clarke, a rough carving of a bird perched on a short pedestal. She swallowed as she leaned forward in her seat, elbows and forearms resting on the table in front of her, fingers clasping tightly.

Roan was asking about the last order she had given the assassins before their departure. It had already been discussed in the war room.

"Your priority is both to render _Skaikru_ offensive and defensive forces null and to protect Clarke _kom Skaikru, Hedatu kom Kongeda_ at all costs." She had raised her chin, meeting each of their eyes as she delivered the next part, her voice turning hard, ruthless. "But in the event that you fail and she falls, you are to signal the army to attack. Eliminate the _Skaikru _. Lay waste to Arkadia."__

She had avoided looking at Clarke, then, because it had taken a lot out of Lexa to even completely support the plan. And they had almost parted angry when the matter had been brought up in private.

* * *

Clarke stood at the mercy of a gun, shoulder throbbing as she thought back to the last conversation she had with Lexa before they had both retired for their last night together. She thought about the commander's words as she watched the terrified faces of the people in front of her, people who had sworn allegiance to the chancellor who was currently pressing the gun to her head.

She wanted to turn her head to check on those who had already left Arkadia. She knew Lexa had sent healers and their trainees, a small group of people whose sole purpose was to care for those who refuse to be under Pike's rule and make sure they were safe. Those who will most likely agree to a citizenship under the commander will benefit from her protection.

But she didn't have the privilege. Instead her eyes flickered towards her mother, who had already started tending to the ones who had been accidentally shot at before the civilian shooters had been tranquilized by Lexa's people. But Abby had obviously stopped moving altogether when Pike had decided that the best course of action now was to take Clarke as hostage.

Against the shadows. Against people who had managed to infiltrate Arkadia when Pike had promised security. Against faceless warriors who were taking out the very people who have sworn to protect their land. Without Pike's small group of loyalists, he was basically nothing.

Arkadia was helpless and Pike was desperate.

Clarke clenched her jaw tightly when Pike pressed the gun to her temple harder, and she felt his hot breath on her cheek, the temperature almost feverish against her skin. "Show yourself or I blow Clarke Griffin's brains out. And we all know the commander wouldn't want that."

Clarke half expected the assassins to show themselves, but knew Lexa's people did not work that way. She also knew that like the guards she had left outside of Arkadia, they wanted nothing more than the excuse to wipeout the _Skaikru_ , even if it meant letting Clarke die here. They will try to save Clarke still, do everything in their power to do so, but not through surrender. Not through display of dishonor.

Pike's hostage-taking plan was not going to work on them.

Clarke's head was once again filled by Lexa's words before Clarke had wrapped strong arms around the commander both in supplication and apology.

 _"Do not ask me to continue to protect your people if they cause your death. My decision not to attack with the army of the twelve clans is because_ you _are certain that there is still a chance for the_ Skaikru _to be redeemed. Whether or not you are able to free the innocents, I_ will _eradicate every last one if you..._

 _With her usually stoic and ruthless eyes bright with passion, Lexa continued. "I am_ freeing _the only person--the only being on this very earth where they stand--I have willingly taken as my own. I am once again laid bare, and for a people who do not care for the coalition, a coalition I have bled for." Lexa seemed to deflate, collapse in herself, before she powered through the anxiety, the fear of losing Clarke, of never seeing Clarke again when they finally parted the morning after. "Do not presume that I will keep extending these liberties to them, liberties I only extend because of you, if I lose you, too."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I followed the advise of two of my commenters last chapter and actually read the Art of War for this (hence the title haha). I hope things actually seem sound and they relatively make sense. I played around with motivations and externalities and such. I hope my ignorant ass made a bit of sense.
> 
> I'm also thinking about the ones who offered to beta! I don't know if it would be a bother. *cries* But I would really appreciate the help. So I'm seriously thinking about it.
> 
> THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO ARE KEEPING UP WITH ME I LOVE YOU


	9. To the Heda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A cloud of arrows rains on Arkadia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so late please don't hate me

Lexa's knowledge of wars, of winning them, of learning to sacrifice what she could and learning to risk what she couldn't shouldn't have surprised Clarke. But when things had unfolded as Lexa had predicted they would, Clarke couldn't help but both admire and fear that part of Lexa, the part of her that was the commander. The part of Lexa that had made the deal with the mountain men to sacrifice 46 of the _Skaikru_ , but effectively saving the rest in Arkadia, the remaining of Lexa's people inside. The part of Lexa that would find a way to stop this war from happening, when they had just gotten around to ending one.

At the same time, Clarke felt her heart constrict inside her chest as she felt the cold barrel of the gun press against her skin. If she died here, Lexa would once again lose someone to this war. Risking what she couldn't sacrifice, Clarke thought. And unlike Clarke who always had someone to come back to in Arkadia, Lexa had no one else.

But it wasn't even just for Lexa. For three months Clarke had been trying to survive without knowing why she wanted to live at all. She sunk into a subsistence, scrambling for food to keep herself alive, but having to force herself to consume what she risked her life to catch. Then, suddenly she had something to fight for again, she was _needed_ again and by the one person everyone else in the twelve clans considered to be invincible.

And while Clarke had just started to believe in wanting to live again, because she realized there was someone who was desperate enough to wipeout a whole people if she died, Clarke had also started to relearn, from Lexa, to start appreciating herself. Something inside of her had started to chip at who she was starting when she lost her best friend moments after forgiving him. That part of her had started to crack, and eventually crumbled at the fall of the mountain.

But she felt herself falling again.

And while she fell, she the pieces of herself start to come together again. Not entirely whole, no. But the spaces inside of her seemed to have been filled with the look on Lexa's eyes when she looked at Clarke, the light touch of Lexa's fingers on Clarke's cheek, the ghosting of Lexa's lips over Clarke's skin. Lexa's laugh. Lexa's smile. _Lexa. Lexa. Lexa._

Clarke wanted to believe that what spaces Lexa had, Clarke filled, too.

She had all these in mind as she tried to find a way to get away from her position. As tight as Pike's hold on her was, she forced herself not to drift into thoughts of her lover, knowing that she had to try and fix the situation from her end. She scanned the people in front of her, hoping Lexa's last warning wouldn't bear fruit. But they already missed the possibility of Pike taking Clarke hostage. At this point anything could happen.

But, Clarke knew she could probably escape the hold, grapple for the gun. At the very least, it would give Clarke a chance to disarm Pike. But they were around innocent people and she couldn't find it in herself to cause, yet, another innocent person's death. Lexa's orders had been clear about keeping Pike alive. It would send just the right amount of hope for those who still believed in him, but the events leading up to the moment when Clarke was suddenly taken as hostage would put Pike's authority in question. As unexpected as it was, Clarke knew it was effectively shedding down on Pike's leadership, on his ability to take control of a situation. On his sanity.

He was their chosen leader, and he was behaving like what he constantly swore _grounders_ were like.

Lexa's aim was to make them question their decision to make him leader. And eventually to wonder if they could still change their minds, choose someone else. Someone who wouldn't do what Pike was currently doing. Clarke thought it would be difficult to sway the minds of her people. But Pike's actions were just as Lexa had predicted: erratic and desperate.

_"How were you, Clarke, all of you, when you arrived on earth? Were you not fearful, grasping at what little you knew of earth to survive it? Leadership is the same, as you may very well know. Pike does not, yet, know how to lead a people during peace. Neither will he know how to act during war."_

Lexa had spoken from experience, Clarke knew. Lexa had once been new at leadership, grasping at what had once been theory, and suddenly being thrown into an actual war. But Lexa had been raised to be a leader, her mind and body molded to fit that of her sword and armor.

Pike was merely someone who taught earth skills on the Ark.

When Clarke let her eyes refocus on the present, she caught those of a young boy's. Michael, she remembered. He had always been teased on the Ark because he had a speech impediment. He couldn't pronounce the 'l' sound in words, and it had made it difficult for him to call Clarke's name. He spent quite a bit of time in the clinic with her, and he said it was because shewas the only one who didn't tease him.

She looked at once innocent eyes now widened with horror at all that was happening, and knew she fought for peace most for kids like him.

"Pike."

Pike whipped around at his name, dragging Clarke with him, cutting off her thoughts. She held still, her eyes landing on her mother. She refrained from shaking her head to tell her mother off. There was no telling former-Chancellor Griffin what to and what not to do.

Abby had her arms raised, knees slightly bent as she approached Pike. She knew Pike was almost rabid now, desperate to get out of this with the kind of justice he wants for the people he's lost. The one step Abby took already made Pike press the barrel of the gun harder unto Clarke's temple, and Clarke had to grit her teeth against the pain.

Holding herself steady lest Pike make good on his threat to shoot Clarke, Abby pulled back a half step but kept her eyes on Clarke for a few seconds before settling on Pike again. "You're scaring everyone." She let her eyes be drawn towards a child who had been stuck to her father's leg from the moment the situation had started to deteriorate. "This isn't our way, Chancellor."

The deliberate use of his title threw him off, and Clarke had felt it in the slackening of the arm around her neck, before it retightened. "We tried it your way, Griffin. And we had to watch 300 of our people on the Ark volunteer for a mass suicide."

He momentarily lifted the gun from Clarke's head to jab it towards the people now outside of Arkadia. "This is the _Culling_ all over again!"

"No!"

Clarke couldn't see who spoke, her head immobilized because of Pike's firm grip. She felt Pike's head swivel towards the voice, though, and she was only aware that the voice was only vaguely familiar, probably someone who lived in a different station as her family at the Ark. Clarke only noted with foreboding that the voice was entirely too young to be speaking up to Pike.

"Stay out of this, Jemma-" Pike tried to silence the young girl.

"The culling was a tragedy. But the people who died then were heroes!" Clarke felt her heart constrict as she wondered if that could have been prevented, had Bellamy not destroyed their only communication to the Ark at the time. "My mom died so we could live!"

Pike was already shaking his head. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"You wouldn't! Because you weren't one of the people who bravely sacrificed themselves for the rest of us! You're _here_! And you speak as if you've sacrificed so much-"

Clarke was too stunned at the display of emotion to feel the arm that had been tensed as it pointed a gun towards the people outside, to shift so it was directed at the young girl who hadn't reacted to anything but the blatant disrespect Pike was giving to the victims of the culling. Because her mother had been one of the ones who sacrificed themselves. And it was probably so this girl, Jemma, could live.

Unseen by Clarke, Jemma was already flinching as she saw the Pike's gun suddenly trained on her, arms already coming up to shield herself from a possible spray of bullets, eyes closing shut in fear.

When the shots fired, Clarke fought against Pike's hold enough to see what Pike had done straining against the pain of the bullet on her shoulder, and her eyes widened when she saw, not a young girl bleeding through punctures through her body. What Clarke saw instead was one of Lexa's warriors standing in front of the child, arms open wide to protect as many people as she could with her small frame, the perfect body for a mission of stealth of speed. Those same arms were being pulled inward to press uselessly against the bleeding wounds no her chest and stomach. Lara, Clarke remembered. She left behind a brother and a mother at Polis.

Lara wavered on her feet, and to Clarke's surprise, two Arkadians moved to catch support her. It seemed witnessing one of Lexa's warriors protect one of their own had moved some of the people left in Arkadia. "Mom," Clarke managed against the near-choke hold on her neck, hoping her mom was near enough to hear, but Abby didn't need any prompting and she was already moving to replace one of the Arkadians supporting Lara.

Clarke knew it was no use. One of the bullets had hit too high up, probably puncturing a vessel of the lung, if not one of the major vessels from the heart itself. But Lara was one of Lexa's strongest, so she tried to hold herself up for as long as she could. Clarke felt her heart jolt when she saw Lara open her mouth to speak.

"We do not attack the innocent, Pike _kom Skaikru_." From someone who could have probably taken ten regular men at a time, to not being able to talk without her breath hitching, Lara ended her admonishment by shifting her eyes slightly so she was looking at Clarke instead. " _Hedatu, ai moba… ai gonplei ste odon." My apologies, second. My fight is over._

Clarke felt herself try to break free from the hold against her when she saw Lara collapse in her mother's arms, but then her vision darkened, making her stumble.

"Clarke!"

It was the blood loss, Clarke thought groggily. It was more than she anticipated. She was aware that Pike was trying to hold her up now, and Clarke hoped he was starting to regret taking her as captive. She wasn't in any position to struggle anymore if she wanted to stay awake. And she did, if only to keep the grounders inside the camp in control. The moment she fainted, she knew they would blow on one of the war horns on their waists. And that would be the end of Arkadia.

"She's lost too much blood! I need to take her!" Abby pressed one of the hands of the Arkadian who tried to held Lara up before she collapsed on to Lara's chest, despite knowing that it was going to be futile. But Abby's attention was on her daughter, eyes suddenly becoming droopy. She had a hunch that the bullet had lodged close to an artery. The fact that there was no pressure being applied to the bullet wound was worsening the situation.

 _"Souda Hedatu gonplei deyon eno, yu wan wid em op."_ Lara's voice was weak, and it was almost drowned out by the start of a commotion in the Arkadian crowd. But Clarke was putting in all her effort to pay attention to the dying warrior and she tried to gather as much of her strength as she could at the words.

"What-" Pike scoffed. "What does she mean?" Pike's hold on Clarke tightened making her wince in pain, but Clarke was thankful for the jolt. The sounds around her were starting get farther away. She couldn't focus enough to respond, but someone's grave voice had beat her to it.

"Should Clarke's fight end today, we all die with her," Octavia supplied, eyes looking far. No one else could see that her eyes had met Lincoln's beyond the fence, healers from Polis already herding them away from Arkadia, knowing there was a chance the army outside would rain flaming arrows to the land if Clarke dies in it. Lexa had made no uncertain terms that her only requirement was for Clarke to live. And Arkadia could be dealt with accordingly.

"-won't wait." 

Pike's eyebrows drew together, shaking Clarke as if it would make her more lucid despite the blood loss. "What?"

"They won't wait." Clarke concentrated on her legs, and she managed to lever herself enough so she could stand on her own, albeit Pike had to balance her up. "They've been looking for a reason to kill me, Pike. I’m still _Skaikru_ for them. But they're willing to overlook that just because I have the commander's mark. If you would just-"

"There is no way we are associating ourselves with the grounders!"

As clear as Pike's intention was, it was drowned out by the voice of another Arkadian, someone Clarke vaguely remembered had been part of Farm Station. She wasn't certain. Faces of the people she only ever walked past in the Ark were starting to blur for her. Faces of the people in Polis were becoming more familiar.

But it was no time to be missing Polis, not when one of the Arkadians had suddenly started running towards the fence.

"WAIT! WAIT! TAKE ME WITH YOU!"

Fraught with fear of the single arrow that had landed so close to Pike, and the desperation from seeing the people outside of the walls of Arkadia being taken care of the grounders, the man had run towards the thin walls of Arkadia. As if a switch had been flipped, several other people followed his lead.

And some were too lost in the turmoil inside their heads, that they forgot about grounded fences and what those could do.

"Stop!" Pike tried to call out. But his voice was drowned out by the sudden screams. Clarke knew it would have looked chaotic from the outside. She also knew she was starting to feel woozy.

Pike's hold on her had slackened, and she was just about to try and break hold despite her weakening state, when she heard an order in _Trigedasleng_.

_"Shil Hedatu op!"_

_No._

But the remaining assassins that had been in hiding amongst the crowds were suddenly around her, and her mother, not understanding what was happening had ran to her, too. It took only a moment for shields used as back armor to be assembled above their heads, creating a large shield above them. Clarke knew those could only mean one thing.

Clarke's call of dissent was drowned out by the screams, and she could only be thankful that her mother had ran to her, now also under the protection of the shield above them. All around them arrows Clarke knew were laced with poison rained upon the remaining people inside the camp.

The grounders were done waiting for them. They knew their _Hedatu_ was in danger already, and the best way to protect her now was an attack that only she had a defense to. And it was a defense she had only because Lexa had ordered people to protect her with their lives.

Clarke knew the next time arrows fell, there would be fire. And Arkadia would finally fall. Along with her.

Before she could call out, heart heavy with the tens of people who had fallen with the first attack, another voice rang through the chaos. He was familiar, but not one of the people Clarke saw before she left. Then he was probably from the farm station.

"WE YIELD!"

All eyes were drawn to where he was, and Clarke's eyes widened at the scene. He was one of the few that were spared despite the rain of poisonous arrows, and in the disorientation of terror and shock, he had probably knocked Pike unconscious from behind.

It was almost anticlimactic.

The guards around Clarke had reassembled around her, on guard against any assault against them and against the Commander's second in command. One of them sneered at the man, knowing whatever thoughts he had running through his head were brought by fear of what else could happen should they let Pike dictate what happened next.

"You dare defy your leader?" Her accent was thick, but her words were clear. Clarke was caught up with the exchange, she barely recognized her mother pressing a firm hand over the gunshot wound on her shoulder. She barely even remembered she was shot.

"He leads us astray!" His eyes were frantic, but his voice was pleading when he suddenly dropped to his knees. "Please." And it was only then that they noticed two people behind him, one of them with an arrow sticking up from her back, the other cowering still behind his father. His wife had moved to protect their son, and he was too late to shield both of them. "I only wanted to protect my family."

Clarke couldn’t find it in herself to feel grief, not yet. She was still hyperaware that any moment now, another cloud of arrows would obscure the sky, rendering the survival of everyone inside the camp null.

But it was as if his words had struck something inside the Arkadians left inside the thing but deadly walls of their camp. Because one by one, the Arkadians dropped to their knees, heads bowed. 

And it was like a wave, scared and desperate as the people were, and in no more than a minute everyone inside the camp that they could see were submitting. Clarke didn't even know if they knew who they were surrendering to. 

"Who do you yield to, Sky person?"

The man's head snapped up, and when Clarke's eyes settled on him again, his son was now wrapped around his son, the only family he had left, she assumed. His wife was dead behind him, and this little boy was the only thing that tied him to her. His gaze flickered to Clarke before settlign on the assassin again.

"To- to the commander." His eyes once again flickered to Clarke and then settled, bowing his head once again. "To the _Head_.

The moment his words left his lips, a horn sounded from behind Clarke. And she would remember it anywhere, she thought, even as her heart seemed to squeeze painfully inside of her chest at the memory of seeing Lexa walk away from her.

It was the sound for the army to stop attacking. It was the sound for retreat.

**Author's Note:**

> if you have any ideas on how you want this to proceed, i'm open to them. this is basically just something to make us all feel better. i personally need it.


End file.
